New Year's Poop

Here is a very descriptive story from Jenny about a bunch of guys fawning over poop on the bus:

On New Year's Eve in 2008, I caught the 11 heading downtown. I grabbed a seat near the middle of the bus, closest to the doors. Behind me, I could hear a bunch of young guys commenting on their friend's disgusting, yet impressive, accomplishment of taking a shit directly on one of the bus seats only moments before. Their conversation was full of comments like, "That's totally sick, man," and, "I can't believe you just did that." However, they must have been rather proud of this feat, since they remained sitting in close proximity to the crap, as if it were one of the guys who was joining them on their New Year's adventure.

This was taking place only two seats away from me. I was terrified, although tempted, to turn around and look at the spectacle unfolding. Since the odor had graciously not yet wafted in my direction, I decided not to turn around for a peek. The description of the turd and the nervous repulsion of the passengers nearby was enough to paint a pretty detailed picture in my head. Now it's in yours.

The Polite Public Pooper

Here is a disgusting story from Randy... I think the transit is slowly becoming the answer to the lack of public toilets.

I was heading back downtown from Kildonan Place on a 47, doing some reading, listening to some music, and paying not much attention to anyone else. Before we even got to Stapon, I smelled a stench so foul as to make it impossible to concentrate on my book.

I started looking around and there was a very dirty man wearing a two ripped coats and a few pairs of ripped pants. I had some serious doubts that he could be throwing off such a smell as to make my eyes water on the other end of the bus, so I did my best to ignore the smell.

A few stops later, the suspect rang the bell and got off of the bus, carrying a plastic bag full of his own shit. He had managed, while sitting almost directly next to the driver, to pull his pants down, shit in a plastic bag, pull his pants back up, and neatly tie the handles together.

When I got off of the bus, there was no evidence of any spillage. Clearly, this man has had significant practice at shitting in plastic bags on moving vehicles.

Bus Seat, Toilet Seat

Here's a gross story from Jennifer of the transit as a public restroom , c'mon people!

I was riding the 20 Watt after work one day, when I noticed a nasty smell coming from the old lady sitting in the seat in front of me. She was holding a large grimy stuffed rabbit so I assumed maybe the scent was from her plush toy. When she got up to get off the bus, I could see she had soiled herself while riding the bus. It was all over the back of her long coat and smelling pretty ripe. As she exited, a large and dirty looking guy gets on, and sits in the poopy, recently vacated seat. He also had quite the odor, but it was more like dirty smelly fat man. A few stops later he gets up to exit the bus, and not only was the ass of his filthy sweat pants wet from the seat, but he had a large hole there as well, right at the middle/bottom of his left ass cheek. The icing on this cake? He had neglected to wear underwear.

Maybe it would be wise for transit to replace some of the seats with toilet seats? They could use the methane gas to power the engine!

Jeff's Shit Socks

Here's a story from Jeff that he calls Shit Socks, I imagine there must be someone out there who has an addendum to this story:

I was 21 and still living in Transcona. It's a long #47 bus to get to downtown, and that summer I was working for the WFG so had to bus all the way there. It was hot out and I was to work all day. I was wearing shorts and white socks with sneakers.

I get on the bus and it's full except for, almost inexplicably, an empty two seater. I sit. Two blocks later I realize that I had somehow stepped in dog poop. No big deal, except that on the bus ride I'd been rubbing my feet together and my clean white socks were now covered in sh*t.

I had, and took, alot of time to think about what to do about this. I wanted to take the socks off, but because there were so many people on it I had to be really sneaky in sliding them off without drawing attention to myself. But now instead of wearing sh*t socks I was holding sh*t socks. I didn't want to compound things by carrying sh*t socks, so I put them on the seat beside me. Then, I got off at my stop.

Later that day, sitting at the desk barefoot in sneakers, it dawned on me that someone will have sat in that seat beside those sh*t smeared socks.

The Winnipeg Transit is consistently epic

Oh my, where to start?

I don't take the bus very often, so I almost feel that when I do, it's a treat - especially when something crazy happens. Since I started this blog, I'm feeling that sentiment for bus rides even more. I got a ride to work today, so I had hoped that on my bus ride home I might witness something great and worth blogging about. To my delight - I'm happy to report one of my most epic bus stories in a while:

The bus was full of people, except for the back side-seat. Sitting on the back seat was a drunk-as-shit girl and her boyfriend, who seemed rather sober and a little embarrassed.

It sounded like she was drunkenly mumbling rap lyrics and was making hand gestures to an invisible camera, as if she was in a music video. I discerned a few phrases like, "Man I'm fuckin wasted" and "Pop a glock muthafucka" and other phrases equally eloquently poignant.

Then, she pulls out a can of Molson dry from her jacket pocket, but her boyfriend pipes up to put it away as they're almost at their stop. And she complies, but not for long - she pulls the can out, pops it open and spills fizz all over the place then chugs it back. Keep in mind there are people sitting on the side seat right in front of her and on the seats next to her as well.

Following this awesomeness, she then starts looking around for something and unzips her jacket, underneath which she is wearing a low cut top. She then pulls down her shirt and bra to reveal her bare breast and bus transfer underneath, right where she left it. She ponders the transfer for a moment before exposing her other breast and putting it under that one for safe keeping.

Then as the bus came nearer to downtown and it began to empty, I found myself alone in the back with these people. She starts slapping me and in a drunken slur I make out something like, "Fuck man, go fuckin' sit somewhere else for a minute", I was a little frightened but I decided I'm not going anywhere as I'm getting off soon and enjoying this way too much. Then she says, "If you don't move you'll fuckin' see why I asked you to in a second man", as she starts unzipping her pants. I got worried for a minute that she had a weapon or something, but then as she begins to pull down her pants I realized I was in for something else altogether, but her boyfriend stops her before they get too far. She says something like, "What man, I've gotta fuckin' pissssht" (I don't know if that meant piss or shit, but I don't think it really matters).

So I think the moral of the story is, as long as I live in Winnipeg, the bus will always be exciting.