Spiders! On the Bus!

Here's a story from Kenton:

A few months ago, I found myself sitting behind Little Miss Muffet on a Winnipeg Transit bus.

I knew it was her, because she was wearing a sleeveless summer shirt, sensible shoes, and a big, black spider on the back of her neck.

No kidding. 

I looked a bit closer to make sure it wasn't a tattoo - it wasn't - and I weighed my options. Should I: 

• Brush it off;
• Blow on it;
• Squish it with my hand;
• Hit it with something;
• Tell her;
• Wait and see;
• Do absolutely nothing?

Having touched strangers' necks in the past and regretted it, I settled on just telling her, which seemed like a decent middle-ground thing to do. 

"Excuse me, young lass," I said, "but there appears to be a spider on your neck."

She sprung into the middle of the aisle, jumped up and down, screamed "Jesus Christ!" and flung the poor bastard across the bus. He never knew what hit him.

She dropped back onto her tuffet and hyperventilated.

I got off the bus, and as it pulled away, I whispered, "And she didn't even get a chance to thank me."

Caught on Tape Madness

I just took a quick look on youtube to see if anyone had uploaded any interesting videos related to our favourite transit system, and lo and behold! I haven't checked in a while, so it was quite surprising to find these. Here are 3 WTF Winnipeg Transit moments, caught on tape.

Here is some guy getting randomly beat up by a guy who looks like he just wandered out of a cave:


Not sure what the story is here, but here's a video of a guy getting arrested on the bus:


And finally, here's some awkward video of a girl serenading the 11 Portage passengers in song:

The Female "Frank Booth"

After reading this story from Ashley, I immediately thought of Frank Booth from the film Blue Velvet. But it's about a girl. A teenage girl. Holy hell. For those of you who don't know what I'm talking about, please see the video embedded after the story:

And just when I think I’ve seen it all.

We’ve all seen the same people on the bus. The rowdy kids sticking their arms out the windows, the ones with the strollers forcing elderly people out of their seats so they can squeeze in, the ones who roll hand-made cigarettes, the drunks who try and sneak a sip of Lucky when they think no one is looking. But has anyone ever seen someone doing drugs? I have, and she’s not pretty.

Let me just describe the situation. It’s about 3 o’clock in the afternoon and the 18 Jefferson is beyond full. I’m pretty sure the bus driver is turning people away because the bus was as packed as a mosh pit at a rock concert. I am in front of the back door, pressed up against people I don’t know and facing others I’d wished I wasn’t facing.

Then, this girl gets on. And this girl was crazy.

First, I hear her, from where I am, telling the driver “my friend has my transfer. She’s at the back of the bus.” Of course he lets her on - her friend has her transfer.

Then, she starts yelling at other passengers, “excuse me!” Now, I say yelling, because I shouldn’t be able to hear her from where I am. Then she tells her friend, “Hold onto me. I’m saying excuse me. If they don’t move, they’re rude.” No, they’re not rude, there just isn’t any room for people to move to. So, naturally, she starts pushing her way to where I am. She squeezes in with her friend in front of the back door and is now about an arms length away from me.

“I just bought so many pills! Yeah, look!” *Opens her purse and shakes around multiple pill bottles*

Uh. ‘Kay.

After screaming “whore” at a girl who got off the bus, the girl reaches into her purse and pulls out a small piece of paper and I now smell marijuana. I turn and look at her and as I turn back, I hear her tell her friends, “hold me up” and “cover me.” I can see her moving around some powder on what looked like a gum wrapper. Then she says, “It’s like people have never seen drugs before.” No, I’m sure they have, just not in the hands of a 16-year-old while riding public Transit during rush hour. But, that’s just a guess.

I’ll state here that I’ve never done drugs and know little, to nothing, about them.

I move back up onto the first stair and pretend to text on my phone when she and her two friends sit down in the three seats facing the back door but there were only two open seats so one girl sat on another girls lap. Little Miss Junkie then asked the elderly man beside her to move over. To where, the floor? He wasn’t taking up any more room than he was allowed. He looked at her and looked away without moving an inch. She turns back to her friends, “I asked him to move and he just looked at me.” Uh, DUH.

She starts pointing at someone and at first I think it’s me, and saying “What the f**k are you looking at? Don’t f**king look at me. Next time you look at me I’ll kick you a*s.” Then, thankfully, I figure out she isn’t talking about me and I make my way to the first open seat. I sit down and continue to look out the window and stare around the bus. But when I glance down at her for a second, I see her snorting whatever was in the gum wrapper and then stare blankly ahead.

She just snorted coke, on the bus, during rush hour.

Why do I assume it was coke? Because there was a nice white line of a chalky-looking substance smeared across her cheek, and I doubt she was snorting Rockets.

Transit Chivalry

Here's a positive story from JG about a nice old-school gentleman on the bus, when does this happen?

Many years ago in the spring, riding the 16 to Southdale I stepped onto a full bus. The only available seat was covered in mud from someone's shoes. The teenaged boy sitting on the other half of the seat was a true gentleman. He looked at me & then covered the seat with his duo-tang so that I could sit without getting mud everywhere.

The Booger Burglar

Here's a pretty disgusting story from Nicole:

About 2 years ago, I got on the 66 Grant to head to work during the busy Christmas season. I was so happy to find an empty seat beside a normal looking middle aged woman. The seat was a gift despite the bus being packed with people. I sat down relieved with my good luck and wondered why no one else took the opportunity to sit down. And then, the truth became disgustingly apparent. From the corner of my eye, I see my seat buddy pick her nose and proceed to "play" with the gigantic piece of yellow snot ball. It was probably the biggest piece of snot that I ever saw (and I work in health-care). After stretching it and rolling it, I am absolutely horrified when the woman proceeds to eat the mass of mucous like a delicious piece of candy. At this point, I am almost dry heaving. I quickly abandon the seat and stand for the remainder of my bus ride. A few stops later, a man got on the packed bus and sat down in the same seat, unaware of the horror that unfolded moments before. True to form, the woman again went in for a second helping of snot. The man looked as though he was trying to ignore it while I was dry heaving at the back of the bus.

Back Door = Busdriver Urinal?

Here's a weird story from Randy, I want to believe this is real, but either way it's a great story!:

My Father now deceased retired from Winnipeg Transit in the 80s but he left us with some hilarious stories. Here's one of them. He said on some routes there were no bathroom facilities for the drivers and at the end of the route they would open the back door slightly and relieve themselves from the steps when there were no passengers on the bus of course. As the story goes my Dad peed out the back door one evening and went back to the driver's seat. After he was settled a well dressed lady got on the bus rubbing her wet left shoulder and told my Dad he should check his bus because liquid was leaking from the side by the back door and she got sprayed when she walked by. Of course my Dad knew what had happened but he got off the bus to check the situation and came back to tell the lady he could not see anything wrong. He then proceeded to take the lady to her destination probably smiling all the way.

The Eye Cleaner

Here's a nice mental picture for you from Chichi:

No word of a lie, while I was on a Winnipeg transit bus today, I witnessed a man not just once, but twice clean out his eyes with his finger tips and then LICK ALL OF HIS FINGER TIPS!! So disgusting!

Negative Energy

Here's another odd bus story from Weirdos of Winnipeg:

An older man and a younger woman are sitting side-by-side on the bus. He's happily reading his Uptown magazine. They sit silently for several blocks. Then, out of nowhere:

She: You need to get your negative energy away from me.

He: Huh?

She: I saw the way you were looking at me at the bus stop. What right do you have to then come and sit beside me?

He: *confused*

She: And now you're giving me the same look. Your negative energy is ruining my day. You need to find a different place to sit.

He: [looks around. There is clearly no other place to sit] I'm ... just reading my paper.

She: And now you're looking at me like I'm crazy! Take your negative energy away from me. [rants for quite awhile about his negative energy]

He: Oh, just shut up already!

She: What right do you have to tell a stranger to shut up? You need to find a different place to sit. Next time there's a seat you need to find a different place to sit.

He: [reaches past her and dings the bell. Angrily.]

Mr. Car takes the Bus

A funny observation from Angela:

One day i was on the bus and this guy jumped on the bus wearing a license plate around his neck. Then he sat at the front of the bus and he started to make driving noises. After that he started saying all the names of the streets and it was hilarious.

Winnipeg Transit = Murder Weapon Disposal?

Here's a weird story from Kathy:

This happened about 11 years ago. We were taking the number 11 bus down Portage Avenue when we the bus driver pulled the bus over to the side of the road. Noticing this wasn't a bus stop we were kind of wondering what was happening.

The bus doors opened up and two police officers came on board. They had pulled the bus over. On the bus there was myself, my boyfriend, two old women, one old man and two teenaged guys in the back. We were sitting up front and saw the police talk to the bus driver, looking to the rear of the bus.

The police started walking down the aisle sizing everyone up. They passed everyone on the bus and headed straight for the guys in the back of the bus.

Then we hear the police loudly ask the guys "Which one of you guys threw this ice pick out the window?" and proceeded to let the guys know "We know who you are, and what you are up to, don't think we won't remember you throwing this out the window."

The guys denied it and said it could of been anybody one the bus! The cops looked to the rest of us and knowing that was unlikely turned back to the guys and gave them a warning and went on their way. Well that left me on the bus, late at night wondering who these people are that random police officers know who they are, why were they carrying an ice pick, and why did they have to dispose of it so quickly by throwing it out a window. Regardless, I got off at the next stop. That was crazy!

The Orange Peel Orgy

Here's a story from Jenn that may just very well either turn you off eating oranges forever, or forever scar your mind into associating this story with the smell of oranges. You have been warned!

My friend and I had gone to a party one night, and we had left fairly early and caught one of the last buses home. The 47 only had a few passengers on it but my friend and I had sat down near the back of the bus in front of the sideways facing seats. About 10 minutes in the ride, I noticed the smell of oranges, thinking not a big deal some one is eating an orange. So I start looking around to see who it is when I noticed that there is a guy sitting in the seat opposite of my friend and I, on the pathway seat (no one else sitting next to him) and his penis is hanging out, full on out of his pants, zipper down and everything, and to top it all off, he was using an orange peel to rub it. I quickly nudged my friend (who had chosen the window seat) and said look at this guy, so she does and we're like what the eff? Luckily, our stop was only a few away and we got up and went out the front door, but not bef! ore informing the bus driver that there was a guy in the back with indecent exposure.

AC/DC idiots singing on the bus

At first I was thinking, "god, what jerks!", that old guy looks really annoyed. But it's a chartered bus! I guess the old guy was an AC/DC fan after all.

Thrown off the Bus!

Here's a pretty crazy story from Sherri:

Years ago I was on the 18 bus in the middle of winter. This native guy on the crowded bus starting making racial comments and threats to another passenger who was black. This went on for a while. All of a sudden the bus stops and a man got up and held the door gate open. Then 4 other men got up and they grabbed the native guy's arms and legs; they then threw him out the back door into the snow. I still remember the look on the guy's face when he found himself standing in the snow.

Not a word was said amongst the other passengers.

Kramer vs. The Turtle

I will be reposting old stories from the no-longer-updated website, Weirdos of Winnipeg. He had some great bus stories on there. Here's one of my favorites:

Two old men got on separately on the #62.

The first old man, who looked like a 76-year-old Kramer from Seinfeld was chatty with everyone. The second old man, who resembled a turtle, sat next to him.

Nearing University Crescent, the turtle senior put his arm up to ring the ding and Kramer senior turned towards him and said: "You better put your (insert swear words here) hand down. I'm serious. I'll cut you up." Everyone was taken aback...turtle senior got off. Kramer got off a few stops later in Fort Richmond and started dancing (as though running through a field of daisies) towards a Robins Donuts.

Dirty Dan the Businessman

Here's another weird story from Chris:

I remember one day a regular looking guy got on the bus. Looks like a typical office worker. He sits down on an isle seat, and pulls out his reading material from his brief case.

It's a very 'dirty' magazine. Pretty bad stuff. He starts reading it, while holding it at eye level, meaning all around can see it. Many others on the bus expressed their distaste, including the poor lady sitting beside him. He looked around, shrugged and went back to reading.

Apparently, this is such a problem in Japan that they have an ad campaign to educate people that this is not proper etiquette while on public transit!

Pennies Everywhere!

Here's another story from Chris about a regular on the 47:

A regular looking guy got on the bus, and opened his very full and large coin purse to pay the fare.

The bus suddenly accelerated, and he lost his footing. He fell to the floor, dropping his open change purse. His money flew all over the place. He spent the next 30 minutes crawling around on his hands and knees looking for every last penny. He was reaching under people's legs, crawling under the seats.. and nobody said anything.

Image via @ Hidden Images

Listen to this...

Here's a quite bizarro observation from Chris:

When you take the same bus every day, you start to recognize the regulars.

Years ago when I was taking the 47 every day, one of the more memorable regulars was a creepy looking middle aged guy. He always had his headphones on, black greased back hair, ripped jacket, tight jeans. And always looking straight forward with a slight serial killer like grin on his face. Like he'd move his head but not his eyes.

I noticed him always looking at this quite attractive woman (another regular) whenever he got on the bus. Quite a few other people would steal glances in her direction, but the look on his face was quite strange.

One day he sat on the seat behind her and was staring intently at the back of her head for most of the trip. Suddenly, he takes off his headphones, and goes to place them on her head, while speaking in an incredibly creepy and psychotic voice - "listen to this.."

She freaked out and ran off the bus. He looked offended and put his headphones back on.

Image by @ Street Photographs

The Happy Busdriver

Here's a nice pleasant story from Michelle:

I was on the 47 a couple years ago, heading to RRC, when I encountered the happiest bus driver I've ever had.

This was a couple years before the bus drivers had to announce their stops, but this guy was all over that microphone.

"Ladies and gentlemen, we are now entering beautiful downtown Winnipeg."

He even did a door prize draw. "I hope you all held on to your transfers," he said as he dug into the bag of expired bus transfers. "And the winner is nuuuumber..... seven!" which was the day printed on all the transfers.

I pretended to be really excited about winning the door prize and he explained it was just a gag.

Never saw that guy again.

Overreacting Bus Driver!

Here's an unfortunate story from Chris about a nasty busdriver. It was in the dead of winter, maybe he was possessed by the Wendigo?:

About 10 years ago when I was a U of W student, I was waiting for the 47 at the old bus depot on Balmoral. It was an incredibly cold and windy day in January, at least -40 with the windchill.

The bus finally shows up, and I get on before the bus driver goes into the bus depot for a coffee. He told me he'd be back in 20 minutes and then we'd leave.

I was fine with the wait as I was just glad to be warm.

After a few minutes of warming up, a fellow student comes to the stop. For some reason she wasn't wearing anything on her head and had a light jacket on. She got my attention and signaled for me to let her on the bus. I went to the back door and let her in. She thanks me, and goes to sit up at the front, waiting to pay right away when the driver returns.

The grumpy driver gets on the bus, and she immediately pays and told him that I let her on. He completely lost it, and started screaming at us, about how we should never do such a thing. He said we broke the law, and that he was going to call the police. I tried to explain the situation, but he wouldn't stop yelling. He kicked us off the bus, and we went inside the university to wait for the next one. Overreaction maybe?

Great Pizza at a Great Price!

Here's a story from Brodie that could easily be a viral marketing campaign for Pizza Hotline, please make this ad "bunch of 2s"!

So anyone who rides the bus has seen the ads that are inside. One of the ads is for Pizza Hotline. Last week on the #18 a rather inebriated young man took a sheen to the Pizza Hotline ad, stood on his chair and proceeded to caress the pizza in the ad and than started singing the jingle (222 22 22 GREAT PIZZA AT A GREAT PRICE). He then started licking the ad and the bus driver kicked him in the Village where he wandered away into the night.

That reminds me of when I caught the downtown flyer to go to the forks last summer, and the bus was a special Hepatitis bus or something that was painted yellow, with only those "pee in a cup" ads up and down the aisle. The funny thing was, the whole bus also stunk like urine.

Smells like French Fries

Here's poor Katie's experience on the 47:

when I was 16 I had finally gotten my first job. It was in a Fast food restaurant that was 10 minutes away. I would ride the 47 to and from every shift. One evening I got on after a particularly long night and had noticed there was one incredibly drunk homeless looking man at the front of the bus switching seats quite quickly and frequently. He had been making poor attempts at non-creepy conversation with other riders but failed miserably.

As we got deeper into Transcona and about 5 stops away from home the man ended up behind me. He finally went silent for a minute until I felt and heard a large sniff by my left ear and then a loud whisper of "MMMM YOU SMELL LIKE FRENCH FRIIIIES!!" being 16 and alone I was instantly mortified and opted to get off a stop early to get away.

To this day I make sure to never get on a bus smelling like anything besides soap.

Image via @ Conasse

Smells like Pee!

Here's an unfortunate story from Amanda. Again, I think it's time we invest in public toilets:

Our office moved to a downtown location two years ago so most of us now, after many years driving, take the bus to and from work. Quite a culture shock, and one that comes with many stories. At first there were daily stories from everyone, but we soon realized most of them were just daily bus routines.

Rarely do I find the nonsense on a bus funny because I hate being on there to begin with and these things only emphasize this. One ride, however, was hilarious and I couldn’t stop laughing and I was by myself!

I got on the 11 in front of city hall. I got my own seat so was pleased with that. An elderly gentleman got on shortly after and sat in front of me. He sat in the aisle half so no one else could sit with him. This poor man clearly had recently wet himself and the smell was strong enough to make me gag. I had my hand over my mouth and nose. The bus got full to the point where there was standing room only. At one stop, the person beside me got off and the smelly man in front got off. Two younger fellows sat in the old guy’s seat chatting away to each other. Then one said to the other “I smell pee”. The other guy said “me too”. Then at the exact same time they both turned around and looked at me!

I burst out laughing, mostly because their shocked expressions were so funny. I said it was the man who sitting there before them and they both jumped up and moved to the back of the bus.

Another person sat beside me. And there I was not being able to stop laughing to myself. I would finally stop laughing and then I would picture those two guys' faces and I'd start laughing again. All the way to Polo Park. The guy who just sat down had to have smelled the pee and must have thought I peed myself laughing. I bet he had a bus story when he got home!

Two Generations of Not Understanding the Back Door

Here's a story from Jas, that's not your typical back door story of someone not able to figure it out and the usual passengers yelling out "PUSH THE YELLOW STRIP":

One day a couple summers ago, I watched as a teenage girl got up to exit the bus via the back door. Simple....well yes for most people. This young lady obviously had not been on one of Wpg's older buses. You know, the ones that are still orange and more importantly have a gate at the back door. She looked at the gate perplexed and proceeded to step over the gate, standing on the stairs to get off. As the bus approaches her stop she looks around dumbfounded (looking for the yellow strip no doubt) and a little panicky. Almost in a chorus, several of us explain you have to push and hold the gate open in order to open the doors. She was extremely embarrassed, but the shared laughter was enough to get me through my day.

Don't Spill the Beans!

Here's a sad story from Ron:

On a blustery day in February, I was seated on the Academy bus about midway. A man got on at CityPlace lugging a large crock pot. By the way he was holding it -- trying to keep it level --it apparently was full. He made his way gingerly to the back of the bus and out of my sight. My immediate thought was, "this is going to end badly". Sure enough, the bus lurched forward and the scream of "oh f***" cannonaded through the bus. I looked down and saw a stream of brown liquid loaded with barley and carrots flowing towards the front of the bus, slowing surrounding my feet. I closed my eyes for the long ride home.

The Female Serial Killer

Here's a pretty hilarious story from Catherine:

I have been taking the bus for over 10 years now. When I started I was 15 and apparently a freak magnet because every undesirable used to sit beside me.

One day, I happened upon the solution (by accident, mind you). I was reading on the bus this fateful day, ignoring everyone as usual. The book was called "Female Serial Killers" (I am female and was a psych student at the time). A very disgusting man smelling of old cigarettes and a lot of liquor sat beside me. I noticed his eyes rove over the pages of what I was reading (I hate when people do that). Annoyed, in an effort to deter him, I shut the book, exposing the title.

I wish I could have seen the look on his face when he realized he was sitting beside a female reading about female serial killers, because he very slowly, very VERY slowly, got up and sat at the front of the bus, as far away from me as possible.

Mission accomplished.

WHY ARE YOU SO MEAN TO ME: Bus Cellphone Etiquette

I'm sure we've all come across this at some point. I mean, talking on a headset or headphones rather than holding the cancerous cellphone directly to your head is always a good idea, but weird conversations like this are still always best to have in private! From GB:

Coming home from work one day, my boyfriend and I found ourselves sat on the front two seats, facing the line of fold-down sideways-facing seats, which were unoccupied. As we reached Osborne, a girl got on, sat on the sideways seat and said loudly "WHY ARE YOU SO MEAN TO ME?", while staring in our direction, towards everyone else on the bus. It took us (and the whole bus) a while to realize that she was wearing a cellphone headpiece and was arguing with some poor soul on the other end. The silence that came after her demand, along with the strange stare down the bus and the fact that the cellphone cord was hidden by her hair, put everyone on edge!

So, listen up crazies:
1) Those headphone things are meant for when you can't use your hands - if you're sat on the bus, just hold your phone to your ear! At least then it's obvious you're not picking a fight with a stranger (or maybe your are, we don't know who's on the other end. Bottom line: if it's not aimed at us, we don't care)
2) If you're going to talk into seemingly mid-air, don't stare at other people while you do it, it's just WEIRD.

I've also seen courteous people hold the mouthpiece part of their phone closer to their mouth, so a) they can speak quietly, and b) give everyone else the signal that they're not just talking to themselves.

Trapped under the seats!

Here's a very sad short story from a Retired Bus Driver, poor lady!

I was the driver of the #16 on a summer afternoon, and a drunk woman fell asleep on my bus. As I went along my route, she slowly slid under the seat and was stuck and could not get out. I had to call am ambulance to free her from between the seats, much to the amusement of other passengers!

New Year's Poop

Here is a very descriptive story from Jenny about a bunch of guys fawning over poop on the bus:

On New Year's Eve in 2008, I caught the 11 heading downtown. I grabbed a seat near the middle of the bus, closest to the doors. Behind me, I could hear a bunch of young guys commenting on their friend's disgusting, yet impressive, accomplishment of taking a shit directly on one of the bus seats only moments before. Their conversation was full of comments like, "That's totally sick, man," and, "I can't believe you just did that." However, they must have been rather proud of this feat, since they remained sitting in close proximity to the crap, as if it were one of the guys who was joining them on their New Year's adventure.

This was taking place only two seats away from me. I was terrified, although tempted, to turn around and look at the spectacle unfolding. Since the odor had graciously not yet wafted in my direction, I decided not to turn around for a peek. The description of the turd and the nervous repulsion of the passengers nearby was enough to paint a pretty detailed picture in my head. Now it's in yours.

The Tweedle-dee and Tweedle-dum of Hockey fans

Here's another story from Sam, with people again accosting her because of her beautiful hair!

I'll tell one last one then save some more for another day... It was game 3 in the playoffs and i was watching the score on my phone when these two guys (completely drunk) come sit near the back facing me. (I was sitting on the row of chairs facing the back door) They're talking about the game and wondering what the score is so politely i told them that I had the score and would let them know if anything changed. They were so excited and happy but then they got creepy. haha

One was telling the other "don't say anything to scare her away! we need her" while the other one kept saying "you have really nice hair, it looks so soft... can i touch it?". I definitely refused so his friend got upset and started getting mad at his buddy thinking I was going to leave with the score. So I listened to these guys argue and the one ask if he can take me home and PULL my hair. no thanks!

The One Woman Warrior!

Here's a weird story, in a series of weird stories from Sam:

So once upon a time I was bussing home from work (downtown to westwood) at about 10:30 pm on a weekday. Everything was pretty normal (which is weird from Winnipeg transit) until this rough looking woman comes staggering onto the bus and sits right beside me even though it is completely empty. She starts slurring a jumble of gibberish then starts stroking my hair. All while some guy in the background is trying to sell me drugs.

The woman then tells me I'm beautiful and continues stroking my hair. I try to move her hand but she slaps my arm away. So i sit there with some wasted woman stroking my hair and a sketchy random trying to sell me drugs all the way home. but wait! she then grabs my hand and starts screaming "I AM A ONE WOMAN WARRIOR, I AM A ONE WOMAN WARRIOR!" over and over. She got pretty upset when i said my stop was next and had to go and started crying "I'm going to remember you my girl and i have your back forever man". Thank you ma'am... thank you.

It's a Stone Cold morning

Here's a very Winnipeg story from Jason:

Riding the 11 from EK to downtown the other morning at around 6:45am and a blue-collar type guy gets on the bus at Henderson and Johnson and sits in the front seats.

He then proceeds to get a full 2L bottle of Stone Cold Lager out of his bag and starts drinking it. After a few minutes he realizes what he was doing and subtly removes the label (in a pitiful attempt to mask what he was drinking) and continued to openly chug his beer on the bus.

Probably drank over a liter of beer before even getting to Portage and Main.

"The guy behind me will pay"

Here's a cute story from a Retired Bus Driver:

Back in the 1980's, at Higgins & Main when the hotels were in business, the last bus pulled up to the corner and there were about 15 people at the bus stop. The first guy got on and said that his buddy behind him will pay, and the entire group piled on with cases of beer in hand, and the last guy got on and says he has no money!

He Broke His Balls

Here's a bit of an insane story from Marcie:

It was a miserable February evening: frigid, windy, dark, and on the bus. I had been working at the University all day, and my brain was angry like a cat who's stomach just got touched (wide eyed, looks innocent enough, but her claws haven't been trimmed for weeks).

I sat at the front of the bus, ready to give up my seat for priority riders, when a heavily intoxicated man got on at York street. He was weaving around, trying to get his change out of his pocket, stalling the inevitable "I don't have enough change. I just need to get to Osborne" line. The bus driver stepped on the gas, and the drunk guy grabbed onto a pole and swung around, nearly hitting the sloshy, sloppy, gravel filled aisle, shouting "Hey bus driver! You nearly broke my balls!"

The ever articulate, and sauced up gentleman decided the spot beside me was the best seat for him to occupy. My claws came out, and were looking for the most expensive leather couch around to tear apart. He shouted, again, at the driver "You almost broke my balls!" I, eyes wide, tail poofed out, hair on the back of my neck like pins, shouted back "No one gives a fuck about your balls! Stop talking about your balls! Or I really will break them." Every single rider laughed. I just noticed my elevated heart rate, my overheated self in snow pants and scarf, and that I couldn't get the image of cracked walnuts out of my mind.

He stopped shouting. And, at my stop, I told the driver that "the guy sitting next to me is a total douche and making people uncomfortable." Justice was swift, and the driver kicked him off the bus.

Walking away from the stop, the deathly cold evening air helped perpetuate an eternal echo of the man at the bus stop shouting "He broke my balls, man!"

The Back Door Barricade

I think I actually go through this, although not as violently, everytime I try to get off the bus at my stop. It's really one of my biggest pet peeves, wading through all of the people blocking the back door to get out. But these people take it to the next level , here's Rory's story:

This spring I was taking the 16 from downtown to Fort Rouge and, although there were lots of seats available, two people were standing in the exit - a couple. Their bodies were sufficient to block the entire exit so there was no way to get past them.

They spent most of their time on separate phones repeating the same questions/phrases over and over. ("Yeah, man, who's all there now?", "I'm on the bus.", etc.)

At most stops, people just walked to the front of the bus to get off but eventually one guy walked up to the two and said, calmly and quietly, "Excuse me, I need to get by..." The woman rolled her eyes and the man shouted, "YOU DON'T TALK TO HER LIKE THAT, EH!" I was disgusted. The guy trying to get out just said, "Pathetic...", laughed it off, and exited at the front.

Boobs To The Face

Here's an awkward moment from BusRider38:

Much like the amusing butt to the face story I have a boobs to the face story. I was on a very backed route 62 headed downtown. I was standing up and letting others sit because it was one of the few times my legs were not hurting. After a few stops the bus thinned out a little and a seat opened up in front of me. The LADY standing in front of the seat seemed engrossed in conversation with her friend standing more to the front so I decided to sit. Just as I was bending over to sit down, her friend noticed a couple of seats that had emptied at the back of the bus and she turned around. Smacking me right in the face with her boobs. I dont even know the proper etiquette, do I say sorry? Does she say sorry? Do I thank her? Or do we both just go completely quiet as does everyone around us? Apparently we all opted for the completely quiet.

Tips from a Bus Driver on Riding Buses

Here are Jason's very stern Tips from a Busdriver on Riding Buses:

1. READ THE SIGN on the front or side of the bus before you board to ensure that the bus is the one you need.

2. Have your fare ready before you board if there are others waiting for the bus.

3. COMMON COURTESY is to allow people already on board to exit BEFORE you step on the bus.

4. If you have difficulty with opening the back door, check above the door to see if the GREEN LIGHT is on before you yell "BACK DOOR" to the driver. (NOTE: Some of the older buses with the gate do not have the green light, keep the gate open to open the door, don't let it close behind you). The driver has NO control over the back door other than to unlock it.

5. The newer buses have yellow "Press Here" stickers on the door that have nothing to do with opening the door. They operate by motion sensors over the door. If you are already touching the door before the light activates, they will not open. Pressing harder doesn't work, instead try waiting until the light is on before you move your hands to the door.

This reminds me of one of my classic bus stories: There were these two women sitting at the front of the bus, one was carrying the conversation about bus do's and don'ts, basically going through this list and all of the other "busologies" and she would punctuate each one by yelling out "IGNORANT!".

Such as, "When someone in a wheelchair gets on the bus and you're sitting in the priority seating, get your ass up! IGNORANT!"

Heavy Metal Transit Bus

Here's an old story from Shan about her run-in with a bus of angry metalheads:

Around twenty five years ago I was on the evening shift and rode the bus from downtown to the western outskirts of town every night. Thus it was that I was on the same bus that numerous Judas Priest fans decided to take after a concert at the old arena. Too many Judas Priest fans, in fact.

I don't know anything about the band but I know I don't like them after my bus ride with their fans. I was on the Ness before them and had a window seat from which I witnessed the destruction that took place. Crammed in like sardines from the front to the back of the bus, the restless and excited fans began chanting "JUDAS PRIEST, JUDAS PRIEST!" before we had gotten very far away from Polo Park. This soon escalated to simultaneously rocking from side to side causing the bus to sway alarmingly and after that tearing apart whatever parts of the bus they could remove.

After one of the seats was dismantled and thrown out the window, the bus driver put in a call to the police. We were by this time on Ness Avenue beside the huge field which leads to the airport. "Oh great" I thought, "great place to be stranded with a bunch of lunatics." The bus driver stopped the bus to wait for the police and the fans disembarked, wandering off into the night. When the police did arrive after about 15 minutes all they found were five or six ordinary shift working travelers on the brilliantly illuminated bus in a sea of darkness. Hunched in our seats we were, shell-shocked and anxious to get home.

I think this is quite appropriate to this story - Leslie Supnet's The Animated Heavy Metal Parking Lot:

The Nail Clipper: Part II - Nail Clipper's Revenge

Cindy's story/rant almost sounds like an awful horror movie of some sort:

People who proceed to "Groom" themselves on the bus.

I have seen it all from putting on makeup (Foundation, curling eyelashes, eyeshadow) and combing hair (yes, the people sitting behind you certainly want your long hair falling all over them - ewww gives me the heebs just thinking about it) to a wonderful gentleman who happened to sit down beside me on an extremely crowded bus on a lovely summer afternoon (so I couldn't EVEN get up to switch seats!) to cut his MOFO toe nails!!! It was THE MOST disgusting thing EVER. He proceed to lift up his feet, take off his flip flops, take out the nail clippers and CLIPS HIS TOE NAILS?! Who the hell does that! and to top it off - they were ricocheting all over the place! Just sitting there with his headphones in, clipping his nails! Oblivious to the disgusting glares all around him. I tried to make myself as small as possible and used my backpack as a shield. People are just all sorts of wrong.

PS - the smell of a Transit Bus at the end of a long, wet day or a hot summer day has got to be one of the grossest smells on the planet. Some days there is just not enough soap in the world to wash that stench off of you when you get home!

Maybe we need to put up sign like these on the bus now (from NYC):

Orange Gunk?

Here's a strange story from Alice, what the heck?:

This happened a few months ago as I was still getting used to taking the bus home from university. Usually it should only take just over an hour but this day it took three and a half...I got off the first bus at Polo park and as usual, with my transfer, waited for the next bus to come. Only, I was off this day and somehow confused the "St. Charles" bus with the "Charleswood" bus and ended up taking an hour-long detour around Charleswood before being returned to the same exact bus stop I had left at Polo park an hour ago. By this time I was fuming. It was tough to keep back my frustration when upon actually boarding the St.Charles bus I just happened to be stuck standing beside a man whose left arm, up to his elbow, was completely covered in sticky orange cheezy gunk. Some how, I arrived home without any orange on me.

The Stocking Slip-up

Here's an embarrassing story from Mona:

Many years ago when living in Winterpeg, I was on the way to work from the north end, still half asleep, clinging to the overhead bar, waiting for my stop on Portage Ave.

In my stupor, I sort of wondered why everyone around me was giving me a wide berth and whispering to each other. I finally got off the bus and proceeded down the street. I had this creeping feeling that people were looking at me differently than usual.

Finally, a woman stopped me to tell me that one leg of the pantyhose I had taken off WITH MY PANTS the night before was dragging on the sidewalk behind me as I wended my way to work. I looked down and realized I had put on new pantyhose that morning not realizing yesterday's was still stuck in one leg and had fallen out but not all the way out. How embarrassing.

Hail to the Bus Driver!

Here's a short story from Sheri:

I was on the 47 bus at 7:30 in the morning on New Year's eve going to work, when a man who had started celebrating early got on and sat in the back. He then started singing "hail to the busdriver" very loudly and off key before falling asleep.

The Fare Box Flub

I've never really considered that people from out of town would have this problem, but here's a story from Kevin about trying to navigate the whatchamacallit thing that you put your change into:

I had just moved to Winnipeg and it was my first time taking the bus since I was a kid in Brandon, so I enlisted in the help of my friends to help me understand the rules of taking the bus and the etiquette that was expected.

"Do you still need to have exact change?" was one of my questions. "Do you have to hand the bus driver your money, or do they still have those tall cylindrical-type things that you put your money into?" "The fare box," they said, "Yeah, they still have those. Just put your money right in."

The next day I stood waiting for the bus with $1.65 in exact change in my hand. The bus arrived at my stop, the doors opened and I stepped inside. I said hello to the driver and my eyes quickly darted around, looking for where to put my money. I saw the fare box, the tall cylindrical object that holds the money, and I proceeded to dump my coins into it.

The money didn't all go in. I was able to push the dimes through the little hole at the top with my fingers, but for some reason the quarters weren't going in. Instead, they were resting on the top cover. I started to panic. I tried again to jam the quarters into the fare box with my fingers, but it was still of no use. At this point, the bus driver turned to me.

"Hey, that's my coffee!" he said. It was then that I realized what I thought was the fare box was in fact the bus driver's coffee in a tall metal thermos, and I had just thrown a bunch of loose change into it. The actual fare box, a large metal and glass container, was just a few inches from the coffee. "Y'know, I don't take tips," the driver said.

The driver could tell I was obviously flustered and simply said “Don’t worry about it.” I scooped up my money, minus the dimes that were now swimming around in the bus driver's coffee, and dumped it into the fare box (the real one this time). I quickly and quietly apologized to him, asked for my transfer, and embarassingly took my seat.

Dancing Gabe: Winnipeg Hero

Here is a sweet story from Mandy:

My bus story is very short and sweet. I got on the number 14 back in February with my arms ladden with parcels and shopping bags. I rode the bus for about ten minutes to my destination. As I stood up to get off the bus, a man touched my arm to get my attention and handed me my wallet, which I had unknowingly dropped. I looked up into the man's face to thank him. My good samaritan was none other than the legendary Dancing Gabe!

If you live in St. Vital, or have ever been to a hockey game, you know Dancin' Gabe. The man is a true Winnipeg icon, and he always has a smile on his face. If he ever comes across this, I just want to let him know that he made my day.

When Nature Calls

Here's a pretty hilarious story from Jen, it's true though!

So these two ladies get on the bus, and one of them is kind of talking to herself, but it seemed like maybe she was talking to the lady she got on the bus with. They sit down, and then the lady who was talking to herself starts talking very loudly about how she had to go. Repeating over and over "sometimes you just gotta go!", "I need to use the washroom!", and my personal favorite, "nature is calling!"

I was terrified that I might see this woman pee her pants. But she decided to get off the bus and hit up a coffee shop's bathroom. Thank goodness.

The Drunk Busdriver

Years ago, I was taking the 10 Wolseley downtown to my friend's house who lived on Kennedy near York. Everyone else got off the bus at Osborne, so it was just me and the busdriver. For those who have caught the 10 downtown, you will know that the bus will sometimes sit at the stop by the Legislature for a few minutes to catch up to the schedule or take a break. So there I am, sitting alone on the bus...

20 minutes go by and the whole time I'm thinking, "Geez, I should have just walked! It's only two stops away", but then I'd think that any second now he's going to pull away so I might as well stay on the bus. But then another 10 minutes went by, I had it and got off.

I walked along the bus route to my friend's place and sure enough, I'm not a block away and the bus passes me! But what makes this story interesting is when I turned the corner on to York I was shocked to see that the bus had missed the turn onto Vaughn and crashed into an office building! I ran to see if the bus driver was ok and when I got to the window, he was in a daze. He then grabbed a big bottle of whiskey, whipped his head back and started chugging the whole bottle of booze!

This was before I had a cellphone, so I didn't call it in but I figured this busdriver would be in enough shit already when they find him drunk behind the wheel, crashed into a building.

And for the record, this guy was not fired - I saw him a month later driving the 10 and the same thing happened that he was just sitting at a stop and not moving. This time he stunk like rotten fish. When I got off the bus after I had enough of waiting for him to move, I walked to the front to see what he was doing and he was taping pictures of random people and kids to the window beside him.

The Polite Public Pooper

Here is a disgusting story from Randy... I think the transit is slowly becoming the answer to the lack of public toilets.

I was heading back downtown from Kildonan Place on a 47, doing some reading, listening to some music, and paying not much attention to anyone else. Before we even got to Stapon, I smelled a stench so foul as to make it impossible to concentrate on my book.

I started looking around and there was a very dirty man wearing a two ripped coats and a few pairs of ripped pants. I had some serious doubts that he could be throwing off such a smell as to make my eyes water on the other end of the bus, so I did my best to ignore the smell.

A few stops later, the suspect rang the bell and got off of the bus, carrying a plastic bag full of his own shit. He had managed, while sitting almost directly next to the driver, to pull his pants down, shit in a plastic bag, pull his pants back up, and neatly tie the handles together.

When I got off of the bus, there was no evidence of any spillage. Clearly, this man has had significant practice at shitting in plastic bags on moving vehicles.

Row, row, row the Bus?!

Here's a weird story from Garnog:

This incident happened back in the 20th Century, late 1990's. I was on my way to work on the Portage bus during morning rush hour. The driver was acting a bit strange, but suddenly he took both his hands off the steering wheel and(this is unbelievable)began to pretend as if he was ROWING A BOAT, while passing other traffic for at least two blocks. I don't know how we survived, but when I called in to report this the person taking the call did not seem in the least bit concerned! I dearly wish I'd had a cell phone in those days...

Not in Service? Screw that!

Here's another story from Barry about a transit passenger uprising over a bus that was Not in Service. Really, it is quite annoying that if you stay out later than 1am you end up stranded downtown:

Here is story happened last year at end of Canada Day at Forks where many of were waiting for the bus to get home. I got to stop around 11:30 or so and curiously asked how long residents had been waiting, and one said about 30-45 min. I thought on Main Street by Train Station seemed like long time. The guy I knew, said many went the opposite way going south, but the 19 Notre Dame had not shown up. But we checked the stop times and said it should be coming soon.

When the 19 finally showed up and we were about to enter when the bus driver informed he was going out of service. The same guy mentioned that he had children needing to get home and the bus could not be out of service yet, as we all had waited long time. He got angry when driver said he was told to be out of service and head back to garage. The guy did not seem to like that response and he insisted in an aggressive manner to put it back in service, as we needed all to get home. The guy became our spokesperson, on behalf of about 10-15 of us, to get driver to go back in service. When the driver contacted the supervisor, he received new instructions to put the bus back in service to get those home, that lived far down Logan and Notre Dame.

I thought what he did was proper especially with infants and young children, you should not let them be stranded at night.

In the end we got on the bus and headed to our homes and hope all got home safe and sound!

The Worried Uncle calls 911

Here is a strange story from Barry, about his overprotective uncle. Maybe the lessons should be just don't use your cellphone on the bus?

Quite a few years ago as I always do I was talking with my uncle while on the bus and as I usually do talk on the cell while getting onto the bus. But it so happened on this occasion when I did I lost connection to him when the phone died. I never thought anything of it as he knew I was on cell-battery could have went dead or I was out of range of cell towers.

Later when I got back home, my neighbors stated the police had been looking for me and I thought that was odd, but then I recalled when I was talking with my uncle he might have figured I got mugged or some harm came to me. He called the police when he couldn't reach me again and when I did not call him back. I did call him later and he did confirm police had been called to look for me when we got cutoff on the call when i was on the bus. It was nice he cared for me so much to followup on the call I made to him.

All was ok after that and he said always call back if you get cutoff on a conversation on the phone. Lesson learned.

Goths! On the Bus!

Here's a little film we made a couple of summers ago, and something no one has emailed me about yet: Goths on the bus!

Bedbugs! On the Bus!

This is the most terrifying story anyone has ever submitted. I'm tempted to never ride the bus again after reading this. Actually, I think I may never leave the house again for that matter, unless I'm in a hazmat suit. But seriously! If you, the busdriver, are told there are bedbugs on the bus, wouldn't you stop the bus and tell everyone to get off? No wonder these things are spreading like crazy!

This story comes from Rob, who was the unfortunate witness to the dreaded bedbug, on a freaking bus!

I was at Kildonan Place Mall one afternoon to pay a bill. When I was finished I took what I believe was the number 46 transit bus to downtown.

I was sitting in the very last seat at the back of the bus on the right hand side, beside the window. I then noticed a man get up from one of the seats up front and sit at a different seat in the middle of the bus. He then got up and moved his way to the back of the bus and chose the empty seat that sits parallel to the aisle, right in front of me. He was talking to a friend on his cell phone. He was telling his friend that he had just come from the doctors office and was on his way down to see his leasing company that owns the apartment building where he is renting. Apparently he woke that morning to find himself covered in a rash, then found and collected a total of 49 bedbugs in his bed. He was furious and upset.

I was horrified that this guy had chosen a seat right in front of me.

After his call he got up and went back to the front of the bus and sat where he was originally sitting.

I then looked at the seat where he was sitting and saw to my horror, 3 bedbugs. 2 smaller and one the size of an eraser on a pencil. They were trying to crawl around on the fabric of the seat. I then told the few passengers of this guys conversation and pointed at the seat.

Everyone was freaked and got up and either moved to the middle of the bus and rode standing or they got off at the next stop.

I went up and told the driver of the bus and asked if they ever fumigated. He laughed and said he had been driving 14 years and has never heard of bedbugs on a bus and said that as far as he knows, buses don't get fumigated.

Now I despise riding a bus, so when I do I stand. I am so worried about taking cabs, sitting in waiting rooms, going to restaurants.......Bedbugs!

This thought terrifies me.

The Sleeping Pillow-People

This story comes from H., and I can't say anything more without giving away the hilarious punchline:

I caught the 17 a few days ago, but just barely, he was gunning it down McDermot towards Main Street. A red light stopped him, and we managed to hop on. There were only two other people on board, both quite little and round, and fast asleep at the very front. As we headed to the back, the driver took the corner with such alacrity I lost my balance, and though I grabbed the pole I wound up swinging around helplessly right onto the two snoozing passengers. I couldn't right myself due to the driver's extreme speed and really squashed them, knocking off the lady's hat and nearly bringing us all to the ground. I finally called out, "Help! Help!", to my friend and he dashed back and pulled me off the heap. I turned around to apologize, and they hadn't woken in the slightest! The driver was not nearly as relaxed, apparently.

I'm on the Bus, fuck!

I always have a good chuckle when I hear people talking on the phone and their conversation consists of them repeating over and over again that they are on the bus, because most people realize it's not the ideal place to hold a conversation: it's loud and a tad inconsiderate the person sitting next to you.

One of my favourite moments of cellphone conversations, was a few years ago on the 11. There was a straight-laced WASPY business-man sitting on the side seat at the back, quietly talking on his cel, and then a few jovial aboriginal felows get on the bus, two sitting on the back seat and one beside him. He quietly puts away his phone, and immediately one of the dudes asks him if he can use it. He replies that "oh, maybe not." and the dude persists saying, "It's ok man, I just need to call a friend, I won't be long".

I think the businessman was a little scared of these guys, even though they seemed like they were harmless sweethearts, so he gives in and hands the dude his phone.

He calls his friend and the entire conversation is focused on how he is on the bus, which he repeats over and over again because the person he called will not believe that he could possibly be calling from the bus, "I'm on the bus! Yeah! I'm on the bus!". Finally after this goes on for about 5 minutes, he explains that they are on their way and he gives the businessman the phone back before a few more "Yeah! I'm ON THE BUS!"

A minute goes by and the cellphone begins to ring, the businessman reaches into his pocket and answers the phone, he asks the native fellow if his name is Gerald and says the phone is for him. Gerald gets back on the phone and continues the “I’m on the bus” conversation but the friend on the other end still won't believe him, "Yeah I just borrowed some white guys phone! - No, really! I'm on the bus!". He starts shouting, "I'm on the Bus, fuck!" over and over. Finally, he asks the businessman if he can convince his friend that he is indeed on the bus, to which he timidly agrees to, "Hello? Yes. Mmm-hmm, yes - he's on the bus."

Weakerthans - Civil Twilight (video)

Here's a video by Winnipeg's The Weakerthans that takes place entirely on a Winnipeg Transit bus. via @ Dailymotion.

The Crotch Grabber

Here's a similar story to Ayden's story about grabbing a guy's head to break her fall. This time Jennifer grabs a guy's crotch. I don't think there's anything to apologize for, I'm sure the guy didn't mind at all:

When I was about 8 months pregnant I was huge and clumsy. I was taking the bus home one day and attempted to get up to exit when the bus suddenly accelerated and sent me flying sideways. I put out my hand to try and find something to steady myself and ended up falling - hand first- into some guys crotch. He didn't even flinch and helped me right myself. I would like to take this opportunity to thank the man with the balls of steel for breaking my fall.

The Winnipeg Antonio Banderas

Here's a chance encounter with Winnipeg's Antonio Banderas, from Jennifer:

I was waiting for the 11 bus outside the concert hall one summer evening when one of the typical drunk downtowners staggered up to me. He stood there, gazing and swaying back and forth before leaning in, and saying in his best Mexican accent "Antonio Banderas" then staggered off without another word. Gooood times.

Bus Seat, Toilet Seat

Here's a gross story from Jennifer of the transit as a public restroom , c'mon people!

I was riding the 20 Watt after work one day, when I noticed a nasty smell coming from the old lady sitting in the seat in front of me. She was holding a large grimy stuffed rabbit so I assumed maybe the scent was from her plush toy. When she got up to get off the bus, I could see she had soiled herself while riding the bus. It was all over the back of her long coat and smelling pretty ripe. As she exited, a large and dirty looking guy gets on, and sits in the poopy, recently vacated seat. He also had quite the odor, but it was more like dirty smelly fat man. A few stops later he gets up to exit the bus, and not only was the ass of his filthy sweat pants wet from the seat, but he had a large hole there as well, right at the middle/bottom of his left ass cheek. The icing on this cake? He had neglected to wear underwear.

Maybe it would be wise for transit to replace some of the seats with toilet seats? They could use the methane gas to power the engine!

The Garbage Man

Here's an eerie and sad sighting by Ayden of the 14 Garbage Man:

One morning I was heading to school on the 14, and somewhere along Ellice this man got on the bus and sat 2 rows in front of me. He did not appear to care about his appearance at all, and looked like he hadn't had a shower in a few days. I didn't pay too much attention to him until I saw him lean forward and his ratty white T-shirt lifted up and I saw something on his back. It took me a minute or so to figure out what it was. The man leaned forward again, and sure enough, it was a plastic grocery bag, a receipt and some sort of chocolate bar wrapper stuck to his back.

Still to this day, I can't figure out how someone could get up and dressed without realizing you have a fricken bag and garbage stuck to your skin.

"Garbage Man" by Aaron Lopresti

The Fainting Head-Grabber

Here's a scary story from Ayden. Don't forget to eat breakfast folks, it's the most important meal of the day:

Well, years ago I hopped on the 75 and was heading to the U of M. That morning I didn't have time to eat any breakfast and I started feeling quite faint. And of course I was one of the ones who had to stand. All of a sudden I started sweating and my vision started to go, and because I was so shy back then I didn't ask anyone to help me. And before I knew it my vision went black and all I could do was try to hold on to the poles so I didn't fall. lol, but unfortunately because I couldn't see anything by this point I couldn't see where the poles were, but I knew there was one somewhere beside me so I started to reach out for it. Of course I missed and I was touching some guys head, I did this at least 2 more times, my fingers were literally touching this guys head and going through his hair. lol. I finally did find the pole and somehow managed not to fall and actually faint. All I can do is laugh about it now.

I can only imagine what this guy thought. Some chicks hands reaching out and touching his head not saying a thing. He probably thought I was crazy.....

The Sock-Tuque

One of my favourite moments of collective madness aboard the Winnipeg Transit was one time riding the 11: there was this guy sitting at the front wearing a tuque that looked like it was made out of two socks cut-in-half and sewn together, but the ends of the socks were left untouched leaving a kind of rabbit-eared look to this DIY tuque.

It was very strange and looked hilarious.

When he rang the bell and got off the bus, I swear about 90% of the people on the bus burst out laughing and then the remaining 10% shyly joined in.

One guy yelled out what we were all thinking, in case anyone missed it, "DID YOU SEE THAT GUY'S TUQUE? IT WAS TWO SOCKS SEWN TOGETHER!", which made everyone laugh even more.

The Baldy Apology

Here's another story from Kenton, the original post can be found via @ his blog:

It started here: my "unique and local - " but not "daily" - apology.

As I learned when I colored over my grade-two classmate's artwork with a crayon: "I'm sorry" are the hardest words to say.

I recently experienced the best apology of all time, and - even better - it happened on a Winnipeg Transit bus, where everything that's important in this city happens.

The more I tell this story, the more people seem to enjoy it, so let's give it another whirl here, shall we?

The infraction

After a hard day's work last semester - is there any other kind? - I got on a Winnipeg Transit bus, and, out of the blue, some guy started yelling at the back of my head.

I turned around, and there was a disturbed-looking guy in his mid-20s, who was pissed - I guess - because I got on the bus before him; I'm still unclear on the details.

So, I gave him my best give-me-a-break look and sat down at the back of the bus, where I watched him harangue everyone else on the bus for the duration of my journey.

"You: stop lookin' at me funny!" Etc, etc.

On my way out of the bus, I decided to give him some unsolicited advice: "If you were nicer to other people, maybe they'd be nicer to you."

The advice surprised him, and I made sure I got off the bus quickly before he had a chance to respond with an insult. So what if the bus was still going 60? Totally worth it.

I figured that was the end of it.

The apology

The next day, I got on the bus and - surprise! - there was the same guy sitting at the back.

I noticed too late, so I was already committed to sitting near him and couldn't turn back, lest I give him some more ammo to shout at the back of my head.

I sat down, opened up a book, and prayed he wouldn't talk to me. But of course, it was only a matter of time before I heard:

"Hey. Hey you."

I looked up at him and he continued:

"I just wanted to tell you that I was having a really bad day yesterday. And I'm very, very sorry I yelled at you and insulted you. Baldy."

Face in the Butt

This story comes courtesy of avid transit rider, Kenton, the original post can be found via @ his blog:

I take the bus most every day, which means I have a backlog of 10,000 stories - one, great long-winded story for every bar in town. Totally worth the $3 bus fare.

The best and worst story ever

My favorite story is about the greatest - and worst - thing I saw years ago on one of those classic Winnipeg Transit buses with three, steep stairs leading up to the fare box.

A woman at the top of the stairs dropped her bus ticket, so she bent down to pick it up. Behind her was a guy ascending the stairs while talking to someone behind him. He turned his face around as he took the next step, but it was too late - and the rest of us were treated to a display of full face-to-butt contact, like a horrifying twist on the old Reeses ads:



Which would you rather not?

So, I've told this story about a million times, and it's slowly morphed into one of those "Would you rather?" games, where I end by asking, "So which one of these people had it worse - the person who suddenly had a face in her butt, or the person who suddenly found his face was in a butt?"

The responses really run the gamut, but men tend to feel sorry for the guy and women tend to feel sorry for the woman. But my favorite is my friend's response:

"It wouldn't be so bad either way if you wanted to do it, but if you were forced to do it - either one would be terrible."

Truer words were never spoken. Thank you, friend, for the philosophy, and thank you, Winnipeg Transit, for the memories.

Jeff's Shit Socks

Here's a story from Jeff that he calls Shit Socks, I imagine there must be someone out there who has an addendum to this story:

I was 21 and still living in Transcona. It's a long #47 bus to get to downtown, and that summer I was working for the WFG so had to bus all the way there. It was hot out and I was to work all day. I was wearing shorts and white socks with sneakers.

I get on the bus and it's full except for, almost inexplicably, an empty two seater. I sit. Two blocks later I realize that I had somehow stepped in dog poop. No big deal, except that on the bus ride I'd been rubbing my feet together and my clean white socks were now covered in sh*t.

I had, and took, alot of time to think about what to do about this. I wanted to take the socks off, but because there were so many people on it I had to be really sneaky in sliding them off without drawing attention to myself. But now instead of wearing sh*t socks I was holding sh*t socks. I didn't want to compound things by carrying sh*t socks, so I put them on the seat beside me. Then, I got off at my stop.

Later that day, sitting at the desk barefoot in sneakers, it dawned on me that someone will have sat in that seat beside those sh*t smeared socks.

Interview with the Bus Drummer

Thanks to Erin for pointing this out, a chance interview with the Bus Drummer. Reposted via @ The Uniter:

Random interview with a Winnipeg icon
By Lauren Parsons

I was walking through Winnipeg Square, avoiding the wind and snow on Portage Avenue, and decided to stop off at McDonald’s to grab a water and investigate if it’s true that they are giving away coffee free of charge, no purchase necessary. As it turns out, They are.

Considering the location of this particular McDonald’s, it was interesting to see the mix of businesspeople and downtown dwellers who have communally joined together in storming the front lines of the golden arches for their tasty java cup.

I don’t drink coffee, but I love the smell – so after acquiring aforementioned water I lingered in the lobby breathing in that crisp fresh roasted scent when I saw him.

He was sitting solo at a table for four, workbooks sprawled across the table, a stack of Christmas cards, a Big Mac with fries and a cola and of course his signature items: Drumsticks and a Walkman.

Yes. Lucky me, to have encountered the drummer guy from the bus.

I took a deep breath, took a chug of water, introduced myself and asked if I could interview him.

He agreed; I promptly pulled out my voice-recording, photo-taking Blackberry (the only thing you really need these days) and began.

Here is a brief exerpt from my interview with Leslie Styles, The Drummer Guy:

Me: You’re famous, did you know that?
Les: Haha. Me? No.
Me: So many people know who you are, so it’s really interesting.
Les: Oh yeah! Oh yeah, a lot of people say hi.
Me: I know I see you on the bus a lot.
Les: I’m on the bus every single day, every single day. I’m either going for coffee or going to work for the day.
Me: Most people know you as the ‘drummer guy’ on the bus.
Les: Uh-huh! I’ve been doing it for, what, 12 years now.
Me: Really? And always on the same bus? I usually see you on the 18 Corydon.
Les: Usually on the 18 or the 16, sometimes the 15.
Me: Where are you usually going?
Les: Well, I go to work around the Sargent area (the 15).
Me: And for work, I see you run your own business.
Les: Yep. For lawn care and snow removal.
Me: Cool – how long have you been doing that?
Les: On my own – probably about five or six years.
Me: So why the drumming?
Les: Well, because I’ve always wanted to play for a band, but I’ve never found one to get into.
Me: Do you have your own drum-set?
Les: I wish! (laughs) Even if I were to go out and buy one, I don’t think I’d have the room to put one.
Me: Have you even taken lessons?
Les: Nope.
Me: What else do you do?
Les: Not a whole heck of a lot (laughs). I’m a season ticket holder for the Winnipeg Blue Bombers (he holds up his lanyard). I’ve been a season ticket holder for four years now.

He explained that a majority of the time he’s listening to Brooks and Dunn, but he loves AC/DC and went to their stadium show last August.

When I left him he continued writing Christmas cards to his 16 loyal lawn care/snow removal clients, and told me to say hi to him next time I see him on the bus.

And next time you see Les on the bus, you should say hi too. He’d love to talk to you.