The Orange Peel Orgy

Here's a story from Jenn that may just very well either turn you off eating oranges forever, or forever scar your mind into associating this story with the smell of oranges. You have been warned!

My friend and I had gone to a party one night, and we had left fairly early and caught one of the last buses home. The 47 only had a few passengers on it but my friend and I had sat down near the back of the bus in front of the sideways facing seats. About 10 minutes in the ride, I noticed the smell of oranges, thinking not a big deal some one is eating an orange. So I start looking around to see who it is when I noticed that there is a guy sitting in the seat opposite of my friend and I, on the pathway seat (no one else sitting next to him) and his penis is hanging out, full on out of his pants, zipper down and everything, and to top it all off, he was using an orange peel to rub it. I quickly nudged my friend (who had chosen the window seat) and said look at this guy, so she does and we're like what the eff? Luckily, our stop was only a few away and we got up and went out the front door, but not bef! ore informing the bus driver that there was a guy in the back with indecent exposure.

Dirty Dan the Businessman

Here's another weird story from Chris:

I remember one day a regular looking guy got on the bus. Looks like a typical office worker. He sits down on an isle seat, and pulls out his reading material from his brief case.

It's a very 'dirty' magazine. Pretty bad stuff. He starts reading it, while holding it at eye level, meaning all around can see it. Many others on the bus expressed their distaste, including the poor lady sitting beside him. He looked around, shrugged and went back to reading.

Apparently, this is such a problem in Japan that they have an ad campaign to educate people that this is not proper etiquette while on public transit!

Listen to this...

Here's a quite bizarro observation from Chris:

When you take the same bus every day, you start to recognize the regulars.

Years ago when I was taking the 47 every day, one of the more memorable regulars was a creepy looking middle aged guy. He always had his headphones on, black greased back hair, ripped jacket, tight jeans. And always looking straight forward with a slight serial killer like grin on his face. Like he'd move his head but not his eyes.

I noticed him always looking at this quite attractive woman (another regular) whenever he got on the bus. Quite a few other people would steal glances in her direction, but the look on his face was quite strange.

One day he sat on the seat behind her and was staring intently at the back of her head for most of the trip. Suddenly, he takes off his headphones, and goes to place them on her head, while speaking in an incredibly creepy and psychotic voice - "listen to this.."

She freaked out and ran off the bus. He looked offended and put his headphones back on.

Image by @ Street Photographs

Smells like French Fries

Here's poor Katie's experience on the 47:

when I was 16 I had finally gotten my first job. It was in a Fast food restaurant that was 10 minutes away. I would ride the 47 to and from every shift. One evening I got on after a particularly long night and had noticed there was one incredibly drunk homeless looking man at the front of the bus switching seats quite quickly and frequently. He had been making poor attempts at non-creepy conversation with other riders but failed miserably.

As we got deeper into Transcona and about 5 stops away from home the man ended up behind me. He finally went silent for a minute until I felt and heard a large sniff by my left ear and then a loud whisper of "MMMM YOU SMELL LIKE FRENCH FRIIIIES!!" being 16 and alone I was instantly mortified and opted to get off a stop early to get away.

To this day I make sure to never get on a bus smelling like anything besides soap.

Image via @ Conasse

The Tweedle-dee and Tweedle-dum of Hockey fans

Here's another story from Sam, with people again accosting her because of her beautiful hair!

I'll tell one last one then save some more for another day... It was game 3 in the playoffs and i was watching the score on my phone when these two guys (completely drunk) come sit near the back facing me. (I was sitting on the row of chairs facing the back door) They're talking about the game and wondering what the score is so politely i told them that I had the score and would let them know if anything changed. They were so excited and happy but then they got creepy. haha

One was telling the other "don't say anything to scare her away! we need her" while the other one kept saying "you have really nice hair, it looks so soft... can i touch it?". I definitely refused so his friend got upset and started getting mad at his buddy thinking I was going to leave with the score. So I listened to these guys argue and the one ask if he can take me home and PULL my hair. no thanks!

The One Woman Warrior!

Here's a weird story, in a series of weird stories from Sam:

So once upon a time I was bussing home from work (downtown to westwood) at about 10:30 pm on a weekday. Everything was pretty normal (which is weird from Winnipeg transit) until this rough looking woman comes staggering onto the bus and sits right beside me even though it is completely empty. She starts slurring a jumble of gibberish then starts stroking my hair. All while some guy in the background is trying to sell me drugs.

The woman then tells me I'm beautiful and continues stroking my hair. I try to move her hand but she slaps my arm away. So i sit there with some wasted woman stroking my hair and a sketchy random trying to sell me drugs all the way home. but wait! she then grabs my hand and starts screaming "I AM A ONE WOMAN WARRIOR, I AM A ONE WOMAN WARRIOR!" over and over. She got pretty upset when i said my stop was next and had to go and started crying "I'm going to remember you my girl and i have your back forever man". Thank you ma'am... thank you.

Thumbsucker

Here's a story from Damien, which happened over 10 years ago and has still left a scar on his brain:

When I was 17 on the way home from Charleswood there was a couple on the back of the bus. He was sitting comfortably with his arm around her. She was sucking his thumb endlessly as he looked on, indifferent. I couldn't help but look sometimes because it just went on for minutes. At one point she and I just locked eyes for about ten seconds as she continued to suck his thumb. He still didn't react and was oblivious to it. They eventually got off (the bus) and I just sat there, taken aback by the display of affection I unintentionally became a part of.

The Sociologist Sociopath

This comes from reader, Samantha and happened last summer:

I was on the 14 going down St. Mary's to Main Street on my way to work. It was about 2 o'clock in the afternoon. There was a group of children on the bus (ages 7-12ish I'd say) and 2 leaders (I'd say 16ish). I assumed they were some sort of young day camp.

So at about Marion, this flamboyant looking middle aged man, who reeked of alcohol, gets on the bus and goes straight to the back where I, and this group of kids, were sitting and starts talking to them. He was clearly intoxicated, so the kids and leaders were just grinning and bearing the situation..trying not to make it any worse.

Then he moves closer and starts hitting on the female leader, saying she was beautiful and asking her if he could kiss her. This girl's face went from awkward smile to sheer terror. I felt bad for the girl, so I got up and told the bus driver exactly what was happening and she screamed at the man the get the hell off the bus.

The intoxicated man did not go quietly, but screaming that he did nothing wrong and that he was a sociologist...I think he meant sociopath.

Remember folks..this is 2 in the afternoon, not even on a weekend.

Hey Pal, the bus isn't your own private peepshow...

I got two similar submissions yesterday telling of perverts on the bus. This has luckily never happened to me! Thanks for submitting ladies and I'm sorry this happened to you..

The first story comes from Lisa:

A young lass, barely 18, I was riding home from school one afternoon on a bus that rarely gets crowded. I happened to be the only one on today. We came up to one stop, and an older man gets on, possibly with some mental difficulties. He sat two seats ahead to the right, and shortly thereafter, spotted me behind him. The driver, completely oblivious to anything about to come, missed this man begin fondling his penis, and masturbating while staring at me with his mouth open. The seat started squeaking after a moment, so I decided it was time to leave. That is all.

The second comes from from Kayla:

Not once but TWICE, I have witnessed young men masturbating on the 14 Paddington. The first time, the guy stared at me over his newspaper (covering his business), leg propped up on the seat next to him. By the time I noticed what he was doing, I was about to leave, and basically ran away.

The second time, I couldn't be too sure what the guy was doing, but as I got off the bus, I found the placement of his construction helmet over his crotch and the movement of his arm underneath it to be quite convincing.

I'm just mad I didn't react soon enough to report these fine gentlemen.

The little old blind lady and the OGRE

One of the craziest things that I have witnessed on the bus was one night coming home from downtown on the 11 with my wife.

There was a very tiny little old blind lady (the size of Yoda) sitting in the priority seat at the front. Then this giant Ogre of a man gets on the bus, seriously this guy was like 7.5 feet tall and so drunk out of his mind that he seemed to have reverted to caveman speech. As the tower of a man sways back and forth down the aisle, he takes notice of the little blind baba and crashes down beside her. Keep in mind this was quite late at night, the bus was about 1/8 full and he really could have sat anywhere he wanted.

At first, he just was just minding his own business, but then it was like he realized the little old lady again and leaned over to her and started loudly whispering the most disgusting things to her like, "Ooooh, I bet you have a wet pussy, don't you?", which was probably the least offensive thing he said to her in the parade of disgusting chatter that followed.

Everyone on the bus was aware of what was going on and I find this is very representative of what it's like riding the bus: there can be something awful happening and no one does anything. Especially, when the culprit is a giant, drunken cave troll, people seem to be unable to do anything. Half frozen in fear and half just wanting to remain invisible to the other passengers.

So anyways, this disgusting verbal puke keeps emitting from the cave monster and the old woman begins looking around and whispering, "Help... help me...". The bus driver catches on to what is happening, gets up and threatens the ogre with his transfer puncher, as if he's holding a gun, and says, "GET OFF NOW!", to which the ogre quietly complies.

Once he gets off the bus, we're stopped at a red light. It seems the ogre then realizes, "Wait! Me ogre and me want to eat old lady bones", and (I'm not exaggerating here in the least) he begins pounding the bus with his fists, nearly smashing the windows and then grabs the top of the bus and starts shaking it back and forth while screaming like an animal, which made everyone on the bus begin to scream. He even started to try to rip open the door, but then the bus just sped away, leaving the giant, screaming neanderthal behind.

The Pedo-stalker Confrontation

Last week, on the 11 Portage, this gansta-ish couple got on and sat behind me and started loudly arguing about lighters. Apparently the guy's lighter was out of fluid and he didn't know how he was going to light his cigarettes. She told him to go to a corner store and they would refill it for him, to which he replied "Went to store, no find." She said, "Well you gotta ask them fuck, it's explosive! Kids can steal that shit!"

Then, just as I was enjoying this verbal exchange - at the back of the bus some hippie-looking chick starting SCREAMING at this older balding asian dude about following her around and being a child molester. Just random stuff like how she got her period when she was 13, how him and all the cops that are following her are pedophiles - he just kept repeating over and over that she needed a mental assessment. I turned around and saw she was also videotaping the guy as she accused him of being a stalker child molester.

I managed to get an audio recording of the ending of the conversation when he "admits" to whatever wackness she's going on about, just as he gets off the bus:



After he got off, the girl behind me said "Man, that chick is fucking crazy!" and the guy replied, "Yeah but he did look like a pedo". Then the hippie-girl went and apologized to the bus driver for the screaming, but assured him that it was all worth it because she got his confession.

What I would give to see this video. Please anonymous crazy woman, post this on Youtube!