The Booger Burglar

Here's a pretty disgusting story from Nicole:

About 2 years ago, I got on the 66 Grant to head to work during the busy Christmas season. I was so happy to find an empty seat beside a normal looking middle aged woman. The seat was a gift despite the bus being packed with people. I sat down relieved with my good luck and wondered why no one else took the opportunity to sit down. And then, the truth became disgustingly apparent. From the corner of my eye, I see my seat buddy pick her nose and proceed to "play" with the gigantic piece of yellow snot ball. It was probably the biggest piece of snot that I ever saw (and I work in health-care). After stretching it and rolling it, I am absolutely horrified when the woman proceeds to eat the mass of mucous like a delicious piece of candy. At this point, I am almost dry heaving. I quickly abandon the seat and stand for the remainder of my bus ride. A few stops later, a man got on the packed bus and sat down in the same seat, unaware of the horror that unfolded moments before. True to form, the woman again went in for a second helping of snot. The man looked as though he was trying to ignore it while I was dry heaving at the back of the bus.

Negative Energy

Here's another odd bus story from Weirdos of Winnipeg:

An older man and a younger woman are sitting side-by-side on the bus. He's happily reading his Uptown magazine. They sit silently for several blocks. Then, out of nowhere:

She: You need to get your negative energy away from me.

He: Huh?

She: I saw the way you were looking at me at the bus stop. What right do you have to then come and sit beside me?

He: *confused*

She: And now you're giving me the same look. Your negative energy is ruining my day. You need to find a different place to sit.

He: [looks around. There is clearly no other place to sit] I'm ... just reading my paper.

She: And now you're looking at me like I'm crazy! Take your negative energy away from me. [rants for quite awhile about his negative energy]

He: Oh, just shut up already!

She: What right do you have to tell a stranger to shut up? You need to find a different place to sit. Next time there's a seat you need to find a different place to sit.

He: [reaches past her and dings the bell. Angrily.]

The Orange Peel Orgy

Here's a story from Jenn that may just very well either turn you off eating oranges forever, or forever scar your mind into associating this story with the smell of oranges. You have been warned!

My friend and I had gone to a party one night, and we had left fairly early and caught one of the last buses home. The 47 only had a few passengers on it but my friend and I had sat down near the back of the bus in front of the sideways facing seats. About 10 minutes in the ride, I noticed the smell of oranges, thinking not a big deal some one is eating an orange. So I start looking around to see who it is when I noticed that there is a guy sitting in the seat opposite of my friend and I, on the pathway seat (no one else sitting next to him) and his penis is hanging out, full on out of his pants, zipper down and everything, and to top it all off, he was using an orange peel to rub it. I quickly nudged my friend (who had chosen the window seat) and said look at this guy, so she does and we're like what the eff? Luckily, our stop was only a few away and we got up and went out the front door, but not bef! ore informing the bus driver that there was a guy in the back with indecent exposure.

Kramer vs. The Turtle

I will be reposting old stories from the no-longer-updated website, Weirdos of Winnipeg. He had some great bus stories on there. Here's one of my favorites:

Two old men got on separately on the #62.

The first old man, who looked like a 76-year-old Kramer from Seinfeld was chatty with everyone. The second old man, who resembled a turtle, sat next to him.

Nearing University Crescent, the turtle senior put his arm up to ring the ding and Kramer senior turned towards him and said: "You better put your (insert swear words here) hand down. I'm serious. I'll cut you up." Everyone was taken aback...turtle senior got off. Kramer got off a few stops later in Fort Richmond and started dancing (as though running through a field of daisies) towards a Robins Donuts.

Dirty Dan the Businessman

Here's another weird story from Chris:

I remember one day a regular looking guy got on the bus. Looks like a typical office worker. He sits down on an isle seat, and pulls out his reading material from his brief case.

It's a very 'dirty' magazine. Pretty bad stuff. He starts reading it, while holding it at eye level, meaning all around can see it. Many others on the bus expressed their distaste, including the poor lady sitting beside him. He looked around, shrugged and went back to reading.

Apparently, this is such a problem in Japan that they have an ad campaign to educate people that this is not proper etiquette while on public transit!

Overreacting Bus Driver!

Here's an unfortunate story from Chris about a nasty busdriver. It was in the dead of winter, maybe he was possessed by the Wendigo?:

About 10 years ago when I was a U of W student, I was waiting for the 47 at the old bus depot on Balmoral. It was an incredibly cold and windy day in January, at least -40 with the windchill.

The bus finally shows up, and I get on before the bus driver goes into the bus depot for a coffee. He told me he'd be back in 20 minutes and then we'd leave.

I was fine with the wait as I was just glad to be warm.

After a few minutes of warming up, a fellow student comes to the stop. For some reason she wasn't wearing anything on her head and had a light jacket on. She got my attention and signaled for me to let her on the bus. I went to the back door and let her in. She thanks me, and goes to sit up at the front, waiting to pay right away when the driver returns.

The grumpy driver gets on the bus, and she immediately pays and told him that I let her on. He completely lost it, and started screaming at us, about how we should never do such a thing. He said we broke the law, and that he was going to call the police. I tried to explain the situation, but he wouldn't stop yelling. He kicked us off the bus, and we went inside the university to wait for the next one. Overreaction maybe?

New Year's Poop

Here is a very descriptive story from Jenny about a bunch of guys fawning over poop on the bus:

On New Year's Eve in 2008, I caught the 11 heading downtown. I grabbed a seat near the middle of the bus, closest to the doors. Behind me, I could hear a bunch of young guys commenting on their friend's disgusting, yet impressive, accomplishment of taking a shit directly on one of the bus seats only moments before. Their conversation was full of comments like, "That's totally sick, man," and, "I can't believe you just did that." However, they must have been rather proud of this feat, since they remained sitting in close proximity to the crap, as if it were one of the guys who was joining them on their New Year's adventure.

This was taking place only two seats away from me. I was terrified, although tempted, to turn around and look at the spectacle unfolding. Since the odor had graciously not yet wafted in my direction, I decided not to turn around for a peek. The description of the turd and the nervous repulsion of the passengers nearby was enough to paint a pretty detailed picture in my head. Now it's in yours.

The Back Door Barricade

I think I actually go through this, although not as violently, everytime I try to get off the bus at my stop. It's really one of my biggest pet peeves, wading through all of the people blocking the back door to get out. But these people take it to the next level , here's Rory's story:

This spring I was taking the 16 from downtown to Fort Rouge and, although there were lots of seats available, two people were standing in the exit - a couple. Their bodies were sufficient to block the entire exit so there was no way to get past them.

They spent most of their time on separate phones repeating the same questions/phrases over and over. ("Yeah, man, who's all there now?", "I'm on the bus.", etc.)

At most stops, people just walked to the front of the bus to get off but eventually one guy walked up to the two and said, calmly and quietly, "Excuse me, I need to get by..." The woman rolled her eyes and the man shouted, "YOU DON'T TALK TO HER LIKE THAT, EH!" I was disgusted. The guy trying to get out just said, "Pathetic...", laughed it off, and exited at the front.

Heavy Metal Transit Bus

Here's an old story from Shan about her run-in with a bus of angry metalheads:

Around twenty five years ago I was on the evening shift and rode the bus from downtown to the western outskirts of town every night. Thus it was that I was on the same bus that numerous Judas Priest fans decided to take after a concert at the old arena. Too many Judas Priest fans, in fact.

I don't know anything about the band but I know I don't like them after my bus ride with their fans. I was on the Ness before them and had a window seat from which I witnessed the destruction that took place. Crammed in like sardines from the front to the back of the bus, the restless and excited fans began chanting "JUDAS PRIEST, JUDAS PRIEST!" before we had gotten very far away from Polo Park. This soon escalated to simultaneously rocking from side to side causing the bus to sway alarmingly and after that tearing apart whatever parts of the bus they could remove.

After one of the seats was dismantled and thrown out the window, the bus driver put in a call to the police. We were by this time on Ness Avenue beside the huge field which leads to the airport. "Oh great" I thought, "great place to be stranded with a bunch of lunatics." The bus driver stopped the bus to wait for the police and the fans disembarked, wandering off into the night. When the police did arrive after about 15 minutes all they found were five or six ordinary shift working travelers on the brilliantly illuminated bus in a sea of darkness. Hunched in our seats we were, shell-shocked and anxious to get home.

I think this is quite appropriate to this story - Leslie Supnet's The Animated Heavy Metal Parking Lot:

The Nail Clipper: Part II - Nail Clipper's Revenge

Cindy's story/rant almost sounds like an awful horror movie of some sort:

People who proceed to "Groom" themselves on the bus.

I have seen it all from putting on makeup (Foundation, curling eyelashes, eyeshadow) and combing hair (yes, the people sitting behind you certainly want your long hair falling all over them - ewww gives me the heebs just thinking about it) to a wonderful gentleman who happened to sit down beside me on an extremely crowded bus on a lovely summer afternoon (so I couldn't EVEN get up to switch seats!) to cut his MOFO toe nails!!! It was THE MOST disgusting thing EVER. He proceed to lift up his feet, take off his flip flops, take out the nail clippers and CLIPS HIS TOE NAILS?! Who the hell does that! and to top it off - they were ricocheting all over the place! Just sitting there with his headphones in, clipping his nails! Oblivious to the disgusting glares all around him. I tried to make myself as small as possible and used my backpack as a shield. People are just all sorts of wrong.

PS - the smell of a Transit Bus at the end of a long, wet day or a hot summer day has got to be one of the grossest smells on the planet. Some days there is just not enough soap in the world to wash that stench off of you when you get home!

Maybe we need to put up sign like these on the bus now (from NYC):

The Polite Public Pooper

Here is a disgusting story from Randy... I think the transit is slowly becoming the answer to the lack of public toilets.

I was heading back downtown from Kildonan Place on a 47, doing some reading, listening to some music, and paying not much attention to anyone else. Before we even got to Stapon, I smelled a stench so foul as to make it impossible to concentrate on my book.

I started looking around and there was a very dirty man wearing a two ripped coats and a few pairs of ripped pants. I had some serious doubts that he could be throwing off such a smell as to make my eyes water on the other end of the bus, so I did my best to ignore the smell.

A few stops later, the suspect rang the bell and got off of the bus, carrying a plastic bag full of his own shit. He had managed, while sitting almost directly next to the driver, to pull his pants down, shit in a plastic bag, pull his pants back up, and neatly tie the handles together.

When I got off of the bus, there was no evidence of any spillage. Clearly, this man has had significant practice at shitting in plastic bags on moving vehicles.

Not in Service? Screw that!

Here's another story from Barry about a transit passenger uprising over a bus that was Not in Service. Really, it is quite annoying that if you stay out later than 1am you end up stranded downtown:

Here is story happened last year at end of Canada Day at Forks where many of were waiting for the bus to get home. I got to stop around 11:30 or so and curiously asked how long residents had been waiting, and one said about 30-45 min. I thought on Main Street by Train Station seemed like long time. The guy I knew, said many went the opposite way going south, but the 19 Notre Dame had not shown up. But we checked the stop times and said it should be coming soon.

When the 19 finally showed up and we were about to enter when the bus driver informed he was going out of service. The same guy mentioned that he had children needing to get home and the bus could not be out of service yet, as we all had waited long time. He got angry when driver said he was told to be out of service and head back to garage. The guy did not seem to like that response and he insisted in an aggressive manner to put it back in service, as we needed all to get home. The guy became our spokesperson, on behalf of about 10-15 of us, to get driver to go back in service. When the driver contacted the supervisor, he received new instructions to put the bus back in service to get those home, that lived far down Logan and Notre Dame.

I thought what he did was proper especially with infants and young children, you should not let them be stranded at night.

In the end we got on the bus and headed to our homes and hope all got home safe and sound!

The Baldy Apology

Here's another story from Kenton, the original post can be found via @ his blog:

It started here: my "unique and local - " but not "daily" - apology.

As I learned when I colored over my grade-two classmate's artwork with a crayon: "I'm sorry" are the hardest words to say.

I recently experienced the best apology of all time, and - even better - it happened on a Winnipeg Transit bus, where everything that's important in this city happens.

The more I tell this story, the more people seem to enjoy it, so let's give it another whirl here, shall we?

The infraction

After a hard day's work last semester - is there any other kind? - I got on a Winnipeg Transit bus, and, out of the blue, some guy started yelling at the back of my head.

I turned around, and there was a disturbed-looking guy in his mid-20s, who was pissed - I guess - because I got on the bus before him; I'm still unclear on the details.

So, I gave him my best give-me-a-break look and sat down at the back of the bus, where I watched him harangue everyone else on the bus for the duration of my journey.

"You: stop lookin' at me funny!" Etc, etc.

On my way out of the bus, I decided to give him some unsolicited advice: "If you were nicer to other people, maybe they'd be nicer to you."

The advice surprised him, and I made sure I got off the bus quickly before he had a chance to respond with an insult. So what if the bus was still going 60? Totally worth it.

I figured that was the end of it.

The apology

The next day, I got on the bus and - surprise! - there was the same guy sitting at the back.

I noticed too late, so I was already committed to sitting near him and couldn't turn back, lest I give him some more ammo to shout at the back of my head.

I sat down, opened up a book, and prayed he wouldn't talk to me. But of course, it was only a matter of time before I heard:

"Hey. Hey you."

I looked up at him and he continued:

"I just wanted to tell you that I was having a really bad day yesterday. And I'm very, very sorry I yelled at you and insulted you. Baldy."

No Apologies / Frozen Chicken Feast

Today I was sitting in the aisle seat and some guy with one eye was walking by and took his hand off the support bar and literally hit me in the face. My glasses had a big gross smudge where his hand landed on my face. Didn't even acknowledge me, what a dink!

And no, the eye he did have was on the same side as me. So there's no excuses there pal, unless being a dink is your excuse?

- - - - - -

Also, last night as I was waiting for the last bus from downtown, there was a couple in the bus shack talking about sleeping in Portage Place. They didn't look homeless or anything, just your average young black kids. The guy was talking about how when he went back home to America, his cousin was all like, "Yo man, whass wrong whichoo? You all talkin' like (in a thick "Canadian accent")EH CAN I BORROW A DOLLAR PLEASE?" and he went on to note how many times he says the word 'eh' and how white sounding he's become.

Then he told her about how him and his friends hid in a stairwell in Portage Place one night and later, when the security guards had gone, they found that the door to Chester Fried Chicken was unlocked so they had a midnight feast on frozen chicken of all flavours. Yuck!