Spit your Spitz somewherez else

Here's a really gross story from Holly:

I climbed aboard the crowded 137 St. Norbert and managed to find a seat at the very back of the bus. After a few moments, a waft of some sort of nut smell filled my nostrils. Across from me sat a quirky regular, today we'll call him Mr. Seed. Mr. Seed would reach into his lunch bag, toss some sunflower seeds in his mouth, spit the shells into his hand, then flick the saliva-coated shells into a Ziploc bag. On a packed bus. Disgusting.

Mr. Seed changed seats to then sit in an empty seat next to me at the very back, continuing with his snacking. As the bus began emptying out, Awesome Guy sitting on the other side of me was about to get off the bus and he had had enough of Mr. Seed's poor choice of snack. He sarcastically said to Mr. Seed, "That was considerate of you to spit in your hand then touch the poles." I began giggling. Mr. Seed said, "I haven't touched anything." Awesome Guy corrected him and said, "You touched that pole AND that pole." I burst out laughing at this point. Mr. Seed half-heartedly said, "Sorry," and halted his snacking.

After Awesome Guy left the bus and my laughing subsided, Mr. Seed turned to me for solace (WHY?!?!) and said, "I'd hate to know what other germs are all over this bus." I said to him, "I feel the same way as that guy. That (the seed eating and spitting on a bus) is pretty disgusting." I think Mr. Seed quietly said, "I'm on a diet," or something like that. I'm not entirely sure as I was listening to my iPod and his attempt to justify spitting in his hand wasn't worth turning down my music. He then went on to say about kids with snot on bars, blah blah blah. I clearly was not listening so he trailed off and stopped talking.

People, having a snack that requires you to put saliva on your hand is NOT a snack to have on a bus, diet or not! You can get shelled seeds.

Halloween Chronic

Daniel tells the spooky tale of the halloween chronic:

I was heading home from garden city on Halloween, about 2 stops in a group of people got on the bus and came and sat near me in the back of the bus.

All fine and dandy eventually they started talking about pot and smoking and stuff eventually one of them pulled out a cigarette and another pulled out a pipe and they started smoking some pot on the bus!

while this was happening they slowly got louder and louder the bus driver kept looking back to see what was going on never being able to see anything.

the guy sitting next to me eventually asked me if I wanted to take a hoot. I ignored him but he kept rambling on about how good his pot was.

I got off a few stops later and the bus driver asked if they were smoking in the back in the back I sent him a nod and then jumped off.

during my ride he kicked a different group of 3 passengers looked to be about 17-18 years old off for smoking by the back doors.

All in all a funny Halloween.

And here's a related video of some guy smoking his "medicine" on the Winnipeg Transit:

Backus Packus Breakus Bones

This story seems to be in a continuing series of stories about people paranoid of backpacks. Here's an anonymous story about one such event:

This is probably the most boring story ever. I get on the 11 to go home from class last week and I had one of those shoulder bags where the flap occasionally flips open. The bus was packed because it was just after 5, so I stand in the very corner near the flip up wheel chair seats.

Beside me, there's a woman who appears to be 80-85 talking to a man about the same age about how "mothers with strollers get respect on the bus but old folks with walkers and canes don't." (She happened to have neither.)

So the bus stops and slap of my bag swings forward and his this woman's knee. She goes "That girl's bag must way 20 pounds and hit my fractured knee!" Everyone watching knew it didn't so I just ignored her.

The second time, the bus stops and the flap hits her leg again so I go to hold it closed. She goes "Excuse me, I already have a fractured rib, I don't need a fractured knee!"

Well, I had to get off at that point because everyone was staring at me and I was embarrassed as fuck.

"There's a baby in there!"

Heather writes:

 I am probably one of the few who will openly say that I encourage babies stay in strollers on the bus. It's the safest place for a baby since it is a moving vehicle that stops (often abruptly) frequently while passengers are jerked around unrestrained.

Anyways, me and my 10-year-old daughter got on the 19, after her doctors appointment. We were having a pleasant day, despite the bus being packed. There was a stroller to our right and people standing, squished to our left and front. Of course, more people were let on and they were pushing me into the stroller. I was trying to be respectful and mind the child. The mother, who seemed to be either an addict of some sort or a recovering addict, snapped loudly "THERE'S A BABY IN THERE." I turned and saw that, indeed, she was screaming at me. I don't know what her issue was with me. I have never seen her before.

But shortly later, when the bus emptied of passengers enough for us to sit down, another young mom holding a toddler came on and the snipe-y mom was talking to this teen mom all fine and dandy.

I got off the bus relieved I didn't have to risk another run in with that crazy mom. Or so I thought. My and my daughter made it across Portage waiting to cross Vaughan. I hear "MOVE IT, FUCK". I looked behind me and the nasty mom was walking up to The Bay doors, well away enough from us that we could not possible be in her way. She was giving us the most awful look. It put stain on our lovely day.

Ya Broke Whore

Here's a great story from Monica about an altercation between three random people on the bus yesterday morning:

It’s Tuesday, 10:30am. I am on the 18 heading downtown.

I’m sitting in the back left corner and “Shelly” is in the back right. Shelly is probably in her early 40s, casually put together but unpolished, maybe had a slightly rough life. She has been on her phone and was talking slightly louder than she should have. She gets off saying even louder, “Disperse, disperse!” Kinda odd, but nothing too crazy for the 18.

Then a bunch of people get on at River and Osborne.

“Brenda”, a seemingly lower class late 30-something makes her way to the back and sits in the middle of the long back seat and “Doug”, a late 20s middle class wannabe gangsta, sits on the back sideways bench in front of me on the left side.

Doug is wearing shiny white sneakers, baggy jeans, over the ear headphones and a shirt with the likeness of Marilyn Monroe wearing a kerchief over her face, clad in a bikini and covered in gang tattoos.



As soon as Brenda sees this shirt she says with contempt, “Is that what happens 50 years later, you gotta be sold like a slut?” Doug chuckles.

Wait 15 seconds…she starts in again. "Fuck man, celebrities get no respect for all the shit they did and now this. Bing treated like sluts." Something, something "$10 blow jobs." And with this sentence she looks at Shelly trying to get a “comrade” to agree with her.

Shelly, obviously not impressed says, "What the fuck are you talking about. I don’t know about $10 blow jobs! Is that the going rate for blow jobs?"

Brenda, a little taken aback because she probably thought Shelly would agree with her replies "I don’t know, I’m just saying that they treat women like shit and it only costs them $10."

Shelly – "Why you fucking talking to me about $10 blow jobs. I don’t know how much whores charge for blow jobs. Is that how much you charge? Are you a fucking broke whore, ya broke whore?"

Brenda – "Fuck you I don’t know what blow jobs cost..."

Shelly – "Well you brought it up. Broke whore! Broke whore!"

We are now on Graham. Brenda gets up to leave, Doug, all riled up and wanting to join in to the trouble he caused says something like, "stop bitching about everything." Brenda retorts, giving him some body language, "you know what a bitch is. A fucking bitch is..." Well, in all honesty I don’t know what she said because all I could hear was Shelly yelling at the top her lungs, "Broke whore! Broke whore! Broke whore!" until Brenda was off the bus. Actually she kept yelling it out the window until we pulled away from the bus stop.

Doug and I look at each other and I say, "I don’t think you should wear that shirt again."

What Makes You Better Than Me???

I was minding my own business, waiting for my bus to arrive, when I noticed this drunk woman in a dirty sweatsuit nearly fall into the bus shack. Upon her grand entrance, she zeroes in on this rocker-looking dude and his girlfriend and randomly starts screaming at him. People started emptying out of the bus shack very quickly as she made her way over to him. Then the drunk woman starts pushing and throwing punches at this guy and he dishes it right back. She flies against the glass and he quickly reaches for the door to get the hell out, but she pushes it against him from the other side, so he then proceeds to smash her with the door until she is stunned.

The guy and girl leave the bus shack and everyone else is keeping a safe distance. The drunk woman emerges and they exchange a few punches and swears until finally he pushes her and she lands on the ground. Then she just begins to taunt him, continuously yelling "WHAT MAKES YOU BETTER THAN ME?" over and over again. They start waking away, telling her to leave them alone and she follows down the block, yelling this over and over again.

"WHAT MAKES YOU BETTER THAN ME?"

"WHAT MAKES YOU BETTER THAN ME?"

Then she just stood on the street corner and screamed this into the sky.

Dr. Dave's Tips for Riding the Bus

Here is Dr. Dave's list of things to keep you entertained while riding the bus:

1) Study ad panels and see if any good ones.

2) Look on floor and see if anyone lost any money - scoop up that spare quarter.

3) Get up and offer your seat to that 89 year old woman with a cane standing beside you, ya jerk.

4) Pretend you can’t hear when the guy behind you is saying, "FUCK…FUCK….FUCK…"

5) Stare at the book or cell phone messages from the person sitting across from you and try to decipher their importance. Stare at the message on your cell phone and try to decipher its importance.

6) Watch how every third person gets stuck trying to leave by the rear door (using the “supposedly easy to use” Yellow Strip Rear Door Exit. "BACK DOOR…PLEASE!!" The person who invented the “Yellow Strip Rear Door Exit” device should be forced to live in a house where EVERY SINGLE DOOR has the Yellow Two Strip Door Exit – except the bathroom door – which has THREE yellow strip door exits.

7) Scratch your head and wonder who wrote the Busology cartoon panels since the people they are often aimed at probably don’t read them and would never follow their instructions anyway. Invent new ones….Instead of Backus Packus Smackus….how about “Smellus… Badus…Get offus... Bus-us” Or “U..R.. CRAZEE…DON’T…SIT..NEAR..ME”

8) Take the gum off your shoe

9) Pretend you are crazy and stand up and start yelling and witness the response.

10) Study the clothing of fellow busees and realize that nobody in Winnipeg really has any fashion sense.

Caught on Tape Madness

I just took a quick look on youtube to see if anyone had uploaded any interesting videos related to our favourite transit system, and lo and behold! I haven't checked in a while, so it was quite surprising to find these. Here are 3 WTF Winnipeg Transit moments, caught on tape.

Here is some guy getting randomly beat up by a guy who looks like he just wandered out of a cave:


Not sure what the story is here, but here's a video of a guy getting arrested on the bus:


And finally, here's some awkward video of a girl serenading the 11 Portage passengers in song:

The Female "Frank Booth"

After reading this story from Ashley, I immediately thought of Frank Booth from the film Blue Velvet. But it's about a girl. A teenage girl. Holy hell. For those of you who don't know what I'm talking about, please see the video embedded after the story:

And just when I think I’ve seen it all.

We’ve all seen the same people on the bus. The rowdy kids sticking their arms out the windows, the ones with the strollers forcing elderly people out of their seats so they can squeeze in, the ones who roll hand-made cigarettes, the drunks who try and sneak a sip of Lucky when they think no one is looking. But has anyone ever seen someone doing drugs? I have, and she’s not pretty.

Let me just describe the situation. It’s about 3 o’clock in the afternoon and the 18 Jefferson is beyond full. I’m pretty sure the bus driver is turning people away because the bus was as packed as a mosh pit at a rock concert. I am in front of the back door, pressed up against people I don’t know and facing others I’d wished I wasn’t facing.

Then, this girl gets on. And this girl was crazy.

First, I hear her, from where I am, telling the driver “my friend has my transfer. She’s at the back of the bus.” Of course he lets her on - her friend has her transfer.

Then, she starts yelling at other passengers, “excuse me!” Now, I say yelling, because I shouldn’t be able to hear her from where I am. Then she tells her friend, “Hold onto me. I’m saying excuse me. If they don’t move, they’re rude.” No, they’re not rude, there just isn’t any room for people to move to. So, naturally, she starts pushing her way to where I am. She squeezes in with her friend in front of the back door and is now about an arms length away from me.

“I just bought so many pills! Yeah, look!” *Opens her purse and shakes around multiple pill bottles*

Uh. ‘Kay.

After screaming “whore” at a girl who got off the bus, the girl reaches into her purse and pulls out a small piece of paper and I now smell marijuana. I turn and look at her and as I turn back, I hear her tell her friends, “hold me up” and “cover me.” I can see her moving around some powder on what looked like a gum wrapper. Then she says, “It’s like people have never seen drugs before.” No, I’m sure they have, just not in the hands of a 16-year-old while riding public Transit during rush hour. But, that’s just a guess.

I’ll state here that I’ve never done drugs and know little, to nothing, about them.

I move back up onto the first stair and pretend to text on my phone when she and her two friends sit down in the three seats facing the back door but there were only two open seats so one girl sat on another girls lap. Little Miss Junkie then asked the elderly man beside her to move over. To where, the floor? He wasn’t taking up any more room than he was allowed. He looked at her and looked away without moving an inch. She turns back to her friends, “I asked him to move and he just looked at me.” Uh, DUH.

She starts pointing at someone and at first I think it’s me, and saying “What the f**k are you looking at? Don’t f**king look at me. Next time you look at me I’ll kick you a*s.” Then, thankfully, I figure out she isn’t talking about me and I make my way to the first open seat. I sit down and continue to look out the window and stare around the bus. But when I glance down at her for a second, I see her snorting whatever was in the gum wrapper and then stare blankly ahead.

She just snorted coke, on the bus, during rush hour.

Why do I assume it was coke? Because there was a nice white line of a chalky-looking substance smeared across her cheek, and I doubt she was snorting Rockets.

Negative Energy

Here's another odd bus story from Weirdos of Winnipeg:

An older man and a younger woman are sitting side-by-side on the bus. He's happily reading his Uptown magazine. They sit silently for several blocks. Then, out of nowhere:

She: You need to get your negative energy away from me.

He: Huh?

She: I saw the way you were looking at me at the bus stop. What right do you have to then come and sit beside me?

He: *confused*

She: And now you're giving me the same look. Your negative energy is ruining my day. You need to find a different place to sit.

He: [looks around. There is clearly no other place to sit] I'm ... just reading my paper.

She: And now you're looking at me like I'm crazy! Take your negative energy away from me. [rants for quite awhile about his negative energy]

He: Oh, just shut up already!

She: What right do you have to tell a stranger to shut up? You need to find a different place to sit. Next time there's a seat you need to find a different place to sit.

He: [reaches past her and dings the bell. Angrily.]

Winnipeg Transit = Murder Weapon Disposal?

Here's a weird story from Kathy:

This happened about 11 years ago. We were taking the number 11 bus down Portage Avenue when we the bus driver pulled the bus over to the side of the road. Noticing this wasn't a bus stop we were kind of wondering what was happening.

The bus doors opened up and two police officers came on board. They had pulled the bus over. On the bus there was myself, my boyfriend, two old women, one old man and two teenaged guys in the back. We were sitting up front and saw the police talk to the bus driver, looking to the rear of the bus.

The police started walking down the aisle sizing everyone up. They passed everyone on the bus and headed straight for the guys in the back of the bus.

Then we hear the police loudly ask the guys "Which one of you guys threw this ice pick out the window?" and proceeded to let the guys know "We know who you are, and what you are up to, don't think we won't remember you throwing this out the window."

The guys denied it and said it could of been anybody one the bus! The cops looked to the rest of us and knowing that was unlikely turned back to the guys and gave them a warning and went on their way. Well that left me on the bus, late at night wondering who these people are that random police officers know who they are, why were they carrying an ice pick, and why did they have to dispose of it so quickly by throwing it out a window. Regardless, I got off at the next stop. That was crazy!

AC/DC idiots singing on the bus

At first I was thinking, "god, what jerks!", that old guy looks really annoyed. But it's a chartered bus! I guess the old guy was an AC/DC fan after all.

Thrown off the Bus!

Here's a pretty crazy story from Sherri:

Years ago I was on the 18 bus in the middle of winter. This native guy on the crowded bus starting making racial comments and threats to another passenger who was black. This went on for a while. All of a sudden the bus stops and a man got up and held the door gate open. Then 4 other men got up and they grabbed the native guy's arms and legs; they then threw him out the back door into the snow. I still remember the look on the guy's face when he found himself standing in the snow.

Not a word was said amongst the other passengers.

Kramer vs. The Turtle

I will be reposting old stories from the no-longer-updated website, Weirdos of Winnipeg. He had some great bus stories on there. Here's one of my favorites:

Two old men got on separately on the #62.

The first old man, who looked like a 76-year-old Kramer from Seinfeld was chatty with everyone. The second old man, who resembled a turtle, sat next to him.

Nearing University Crescent, the turtle senior put his arm up to ring the ding and Kramer senior turned towards him and said: "You better put your (insert swear words here) hand down. I'm serious. I'll cut you up." Everyone was taken aback...turtle senior got off. Kramer got off a few stops later in Fort Richmond and started dancing (as though running through a field of daisies) towards a Robins Donuts.

Dirty Dan the Businessman

Here's another weird story from Chris:

I remember one day a regular looking guy got on the bus. Looks like a typical office worker. He sits down on an isle seat, and pulls out his reading material from his brief case.

It's a very 'dirty' magazine. Pretty bad stuff. He starts reading it, while holding it at eye level, meaning all around can see it. Many others on the bus expressed their distaste, including the poor lady sitting beside him. He looked around, shrugged and went back to reading.

Apparently, this is such a problem in Japan that they have an ad campaign to educate people that this is not proper etiquette while on public transit!

Overreacting Bus Driver!

Here's an unfortunate story from Chris about a nasty busdriver. It was in the dead of winter, maybe he was possessed by the Wendigo?:

About 10 years ago when I was a U of W student, I was waiting for the 47 at the old bus depot on Balmoral. It was an incredibly cold and windy day in January, at least -40 with the windchill.

The bus finally shows up, and I get on before the bus driver goes into the bus depot for a coffee. He told me he'd be back in 20 minutes and then we'd leave.

I was fine with the wait as I was just glad to be warm.

After a few minutes of warming up, a fellow student comes to the stop. For some reason she wasn't wearing anything on her head and had a light jacket on. She got my attention and signaled for me to let her on the bus. I went to the back door and let her in. She thanks me, and goes to sit up at the front, waiting to pay right away when the driver returns.

The grumpy driver gets on the bus, and she immediately pays and told him that I let her on. He completely lost it, and started screaming at us, about how we should never do such a thing. He said we broke the law, and that he was going to call the police. I tried to explain the situation, but he wouldn't stop yelling. He kicked us off the bus, and we went inside the university to wait for the next one. Overreaction maybe?

New Year's Poop

Here is a very descriptive story from Jenny about a bunch of guys fawning over poop on the bus:

On New Year's Eve in 2008, I caught the 11 heading downtown. I grabbed a seat near the middle of the bus, closest to the doors. Behind me, I could hear a bunch of young guys commenting on their friend's disgusting, yet impressive, accomplishment of taking a shit directly on one of the bus seats only moments before. Their conversation was full of comments like, "That's totally sick, man," and, "I can't believe you just did that." However, they must have been rather proud of this feat, since they remained sitting in close proximity to the crap, as if it were one of the guys who was joining them on their New Year's adventure.

This was taking place only two seats away from me. I was terrified, although tempted, to turn around and look at the spectacle unfolding. Since the odor had graciously not yet wafted in my direction, I decided not to turn around for a peek. The description of the turd and the nervous repulsion of the passengers nearby was enough to paint a pretty detailed picture in my head. Now it's in yours.

The Back Door Barricade

I think I actually go through this, although not as violently, everytime I try to get off the bus at my stop. It's really one of my biggest pet peeves, wading through all of the people blocking the back door to get out. But these people take it to the next level , here's Rory's story:

This spring I was taking the 16 from downtown to Fort Rouge and, although there were lots of seats available, two people were standing in the exit - a couple. Their bodies were sufficient to block the entire exit so there was no way to get past them.

They spent most of their time on separate phones repeating the same questions/phrases over and over. ("Yeah, man, who's all there now?", "I'm on the bus.", etc.)

At most stops, people just walked to the front of the bus to get off but eventually one guy walked up to the two and said, calmly and quietly, "Excuse me, I need to get by..." The woman rolled her eyes and the man shouted, "YOU DON'T TALK TO HER LIKE THAT, EH!" I was disgusted. The guy trying to get out just said, "Pathetic...", laughed it off, and exited at the front.

Heavy Metal Transit Bus

Here's an old story from Shan about her run-in with a bus of angry metalheads:

Around twenty five years ago I was on the evening shift and rode the bus from downtown to the western outskirts of town every night. Thus it was that I was on the same bus that numerous Judas Priest fans decided to take after a concert at the old arena. Too many Judas Priest fans, in fact.

I don't know anything about the band but I know I don't like them after my bus ride with their fans. I was on the Ness before them and had a window seat from which I witnessed the destruction that took place. Crammed in like sardines from the front to the back of the bus, the restless and excited fans began chanting "JUDAS PRIEST, JUDAS PRIEST!" before we had gotten very far away from Polo Park. This soon escalated to simultaneously rocking from side to side causing the bus to sway alarmingly and after that tearing apart whatever parts of the bus they could remove.

After one of the seats was dismantled and thrown out the window, the bus driver put in a call to the police. We were by this time on Ness Avenue beside the huge field which leads to the airport. "Oh great" I thought, "great place to be stranded with a bunch of lunatics." The bus driver stopped the bus to wait for the police and the fans disembarked, wandering off into the night. When the police did arrive after about 15 minutes all they found were five or six ordinary shift working travelers on the brilliantly illuminated bus in a sea of darkness. Hunched in our seats we were, shell-shocked and anxious to get home.

I think this is quite appropriate to this story - Leslie Supnet's The Animated Heavy Metal Parking Lot:

The Nail Clipper: Part II - Nail Clipper's Revenge

Cindy's story/rant almost sounds like an awful horror movie of some sort:

People who proceed to "Groom" themselves on the bus.

I have seen it all from putting on makeup (Foundation, curling eyelashes, eyeshadow) and combing hair (yes, the people sitting behind you certainly want your long hair falling all over them - ewww gives me the heebs just thinking about it) to a wonderful gentleman who happened to sit down beside me on an extremely crowded bus on a lovely summer afternoon (so I couldn't EVEN get up to switch seats!) to cut his MOFO toe nails!!! It was THE MOST disgusting thing EVER. He proceed to lift up his feet, take off his flip flops, take out the nail clippers and CLIPS HIS TOE NAILS?! Who the hell does that! and to top it off - they were ricocheting all over the place! Just sitting there with his headphones in, clipping his nails! Oblivious to the disgusting glares all around him. I tried to make myself as small as possible and used my backpack as a shield. People are just all sorts of wrong.

PS - the smell of a Transit Bus at the end of a long, wet day or a hot summer day has got to be one of the grossest smells on the planet. Some days there is just not enough soap in the world to wash that stench off of you when you get home!

Maybe we need to put up sign like these on the bus now (from NYC):